My husband is an only child and the sole caregiver for his mother. She has been living independently for over 25 years since the death of her husband. Her mental health has been deteriorating over the last 7 years with severe anxiety and depression. She's obsessed with checking her blood pressure and a few times a month will call either me or her son to take her to the ER. Each time she is cleared as physically healthy and encouraged to take daily anti-anxiety medication from her doctor. She doesn’t like SSRI medication and has been dependent on Xanax, often taking it every 2 hours. While it helps with her constant panic attacks, it’s a short-acting medication so it’ll immediately start up again once it’s worn off, but she insists it is the only thing that “works” for her. She lives near the hospital but will only demand my husband drive the 40 minutes to get her and drive her 5 minutes down the road. She's always breaking down in tears, telling us she has nothing to look forward to and hates living all alone and complains about being bored all the time. My husband refuses to let her live with us, which is for the best, as she wants us to be with her 24/7 and will depend on us for everything. She has let her dental health go, letting her teeth fall out but with no desire to see a dentist. She often calls me and just reminisces about her life as a small child, wishing she could be carried and held all the time. It’s very sad and frustrating, as she only talks about herself and never about her son. I wish she could afford an apartment in a senior living community, as she only has social security and is not eligible to live at an assisted living facility at 75. She is to the point that driving gives her too much anxiety, so it’s only a matter of time when she will become fully dependent on my husband and I to get her to places. We work full time, so this is something that is worrying us. We’ve looked at elder transportation services and food delivery options for our area, so that could help. I’ve read that her doctor will be the one to determine when it’s time for a nursing home. I’m hoping my husband will become more involved as her mental health declines, as he is just very resentful and wishes she would find something to do. It’s tough when you have no other family to lean on. Once she’s gone, my husband will only have me and my family.
Has her doctor explained to her how an SSRI might work? What doesn't she like about them? And how long has she been taking Xanax?
Did anything in particular happen (or come to a head) seven years ago? What did you think of her before then?
Ref the placebo hospital visits: a man who's grounded enough to say no to her moving in is also able to say no to a 40 minute drive to take a lady 5 minutes down the road. If it's *really* an emergency, a lady who can call her son can also call 911.
See if the MD who is currently prescribing her medications can give you a referral....her needs are more complex than can be managed in an internal medicine or family practice setting.
She sounds like she is in a lot of pain, including the pain of being old and alone and lonely. Hard situation for you and your husband, and for her, too.
Once her mood starts to stabilize, going to a senior center every day would help with socializing.
It is not up to her son to provide the above. She know it. He knows it. But what to do?
Is there an assisted living type arrangement in her budget? Somewhere with staff, company & activities may do wonders for her anxiety.