She goes into his room and sits on his bed with her head in her hands. Sometimes she gets defiant--won't take her medication, doesn't want to bathe. Her doctor prescribed an antidepressant as well as Xanax as needed, but it's going to take a bit for that to kick in. Is there anything immediate we can do? My dad is her primary care giver, but we do have some help that comes in about 15 hours a week. Next week, we will collect her brother's ashes from the funeral home and finish taking care of affairs since my dad can't do it. All of this is taking a toll on my dad who is 87. We just don't know what to do.
Part of the problem is how it's affecting your dad, and I can't think to do anything but do what you can to offer him help and support as much as possible.
My mom was also defiant about doing anything, including eating, but I just kept after her about it. It's a different situation because she has mild dementia, not Alzheimer's, and she lived alone so there was no-one to really help her out.
As luck would have it, she just happened to have a doctor's appointment with her primary care physician right after my aunt's death. She respects her doctor and tries to be on "her best behavior" (according to her) when she has her appointments with him. He gave her a kind "talking to" and that helped more than anything else.
If your mother has anyone like that, someone who can talk her into things, like a doctor, priest, another sibling -- someone who can shake her up and get her back into her routine -- that might help.
However, the grieving process takes time and some of it is going to linger.
I have lost my 2 daughters in the past 5 years & I fell into a deep dark hole & I suffer form no mental illness.
Xanax works immediately. A very benign drug for anxiety. Sits on the same receptor sites as alcohol in the brain. It can be addictive but my Lord, she is at an age where who cares? Let her be where she is & not where you wish her to be. She may be overmedicated too?? More information in needed to give appropriate feedback.
Some antidepressants work fast-some it takes a good 10 days or 2 weeks to work. If she has stopped eating, perhaps she is getting ready to die herself.
We are never ready for death, no matter what we do. I lost 4 years of my life from the loss of my 2 daughter's-both died at age 39. 15 months apart in birth & to the day, in death. This just happened 5 years ago for my oldest daughter & my youngest passed not even 3 years ago. I, just in the past 6 months, have crawled out of the deep dark hole I found myself in called depression. I do not suffer from Alzheimer's. That is an entire different place to be. Maybe she has no idea that he has died? Alzheimer's steals the cogitative part of one's brain.
I also am a care giver for my husband who suffers from Solvent Dementia.
I was going to write another book & was turned onto this site. I so wish to serve in what ever capacity I can.
Blessing are all about you-we just forget, only to remember...a moment at a time. Keep offering her food & more important drink, fluids. I so wish I could help you. Feeling so helpless....Your not alone. Keep writing in here. Share.
WE all die alone & we all die. It is a part of living to go home to GOD/ or what ever name you choose to give the Power that IS.