Please help us. Our mom is 87 and has stage 3 lung cancer. She lives with me and my husband. 5 of my brothers are fighting bad. 2 want her to do hospice. 2 don't want her to. And me and one brother just don't know. She is very sick and takes a lot of medicine. I kind of think she should do it. I don't like to say it but I hate to clean her pamper. It makes me throw up. My brothers help a lot. But I gotta clean her whole body everyday. Cause if I don't every body says she smells. And that's true tho. I'm running out of patience for all this. I just want her at rest. And start a family for myself. I got married 22 months ago and soon as we got our apartment she was sent here. My brothers say it's better for her to be with her daughter. She suffers so much that it makes us cry. What should we do? Please help.
Do not be afraid of her passing, you mention Jesus, but not sure if you are a believer or if mom is. Her soul will not linger, she will take flight. If this has been a good relationship you will feel her there, for a while, because that is where your relationship has occurred for the past 22 months. It is nothing to fear.
DO NOT let your brothers dictate your life, it is unfair of them to put all of this on you. Are they worried that it will effect their inheritance if she has to pay for care? If yes, are they willing to pay you and your husband for all the care you have provided? I hope this isn't about money, but gold makes people crazy, hence gold fever term.
I pray you all can find a solution that works and it doesn't adversely affect your relationships.
May God grant you strength and grieving mercies.
Your mother needs skilled care, based on training and expertise that you simply don't have. Get it for her.
And now for the advantage of having so many brothers with so much to say about your mother's care - it's time for them to make themselves useful. They can form a relay team and take it in turns to sit with your mother.
It might be a good idea to put a communications book in your mother's room. Any questions or comments that come up, the person "on duty" can make a note of them. If everything is all in one place then no one gets left out of the loop.
Is any one of you your mother's official health care proxy or representative?
Hope you can get this all arranged very soon, best of luck to you, please update us.
I'm glad you said you wish you'd signed Mom up sooner. I'm doing that now and was hoping I wasn't doing it too soon.
Try to let that guilt go Katie. I'm sure you did the best you could with what info you had at the time. This is the hardest damd thing I've ever done in my life!💖
Medicare will cover respite care of 1 week.
If you have her admitted to a regular hospital...hospice is no longer involved....they must terminate service if she goes to an acute care hospital. Of course, you would take her to ER..it would be up to the Docs if they will admit her.
Joann.... My Mom died over a year ago. Altogether, she was on hospice for just under 3 weeks. I still blame myself for not turning to them sooner. Not until her Doctor admitted to me that he had nothing else to offer to help Mom....only then did I call hospice. I should have done it sooner
my dad passed in AL and my mom still resides in the same room. I don't have any negative feelings to the apartment room. complete opposite I feel close to my dad in that room
edit: not saying you have to feel the same way ...
From what I understand, Medicare only pays for the care, supplies and I think Medications. They don't pay for a room in a Hospice facility or nursing home. Not sure if Medicaid could help but thats an avenue to pursue. Talk to a Hospice agency and get info from them. Once you get it all together, sit brothers down and explain how it all works. Do they want Mom in pain for the rest of her life. Hospice will give her the comfort she needs. Call your Office of Aging to see what is available thru them.
You could look at Moms passing in the "babys room" as a blessing. Moms spirit will be there watching over ur child.
Sorry, if you feel we aren't helping. We are a group of caregivers, all with our own experiences trying to help each other "thru it". We r from the US, Canada, UK and some other countries have chimed in. We can just point you in the right direction and give some support. If we knew what state you were from, members from that State maybe able to offer more information.
I didn't have any experience with that. the hospice I had for my dad, they came over to his assisted living apartment. and he passed away in AL.
I guess too, that it depends on the person, I already knew there was no hope for my dad. he was almost 93 and just not 'there' any more.
But it seems that you are needing some help because its getting to be too much for you mentally.
even if I didn't agree with the hospice hospital, I would want to ~listen~ to my (you)sibling if they were having such troubles. you love your mom, so they should understand that you haven't stopped caring, you just need major support NOW. I would still contact hospice and ask, explain your siblings concerns and yours too.
You sure do have a lot of brothers! 7 Wow, I am also an only girl with 3 brothers.
Thank your lucky stars they help you. I think both sides, the yays and nays, are convinced their choice would be doing what's best for the Mom, they love so much. So just be patient with the arguing, this is a huge decision.
I'm facing it right now concerning my Mom. Someone, just this morning, told me to go to Medicare.gov/hospice to get some more information.
Take the advice given above. Maybe with all the info, and individual questions, cares, fears and concerns addressed, everyone can get on the same page. Let's hope🤞
Cyber Huggz 🤗
Hospice will have an aide come and help with a shower a couple times a week...not twice a day. A nurse will come around once a week or more as needed.
The primary reason I turned to hospice was because of the high level of pain my Mom was experiencing. The Doc had given up ... he had no more to offer my Mom.
I signed my dad up because I needed the support and guidance. I didn't know what to do :(
In MY EXPERIENCE it was a good thing. if your mom is dying (so sorry) and theres NO QUESTION then why should they be arguing? idk?? they are going to help you and make your mom comfortable to the end. maybe they don't understand how it works.
maybe a family meeting together with a hospice nurse.?