I've posted before about my situation where my mom has progressive dementia and my father's denial about moving to assisted living. My mom has continued to be very angry verbally. She throws tantrums easily especially when she thinks she is being controlled or told what to do. She has stopped all hygiene and refuses to change clothes.
Today she suddenly came after me yelling with no provocation. She followed me into the bathroom and started punching me and pulling my hair. This lasted for a few minutes. She suddenly then left me and went to her room and got in bed. This was terrifying.
I spoke to the doctor and he is complete agreement that she needs to go to memory care. My mom has said in the past that she will not go without my dad - but the situation has changed. I fear that she will continue and maybe escalate these attacks. There are memory care places that I have researched and am looking into availability. My dad knows that she needs to be in a safer environment but will not leave their home. I guess I asking for feedback about how to get her to memory care without my dad and how to transition her out of the house.
Once at the hospital you need to tell the Social Worker that it is not safe to discharge mom to home.
Mom may have said she does not want to go to MC without dad but I am also sure that if she had known that she would become violent and possibly severely injure you or dad she would have wanted to be placed so that would not happen.
Next time do that, do not bring her back home, as she is a danger to both you and your father.
A neighbor who had dementia stabbed his wife, she knew he had dementia and was violent but she had this old timey attitude, he was the master, whatever he wanted she did.
One night he really lost it, stabbed her, numerous times, she lived, he went into a physic/memory care died there, she lived a few more years and got lung cancer believed to be from the stab wounds, she died as well.
Bottom line, do what you have to do to protect you and your family, her brain is broken and it will continue to get worse. Good Luck!
Your Mom is suffering from the paranoia and anxiety that comes with dementia. And she probably sundowns on top of it. It won't get better. She needs meds and maybe a stint in a psych wing of a hospital (my family had to do this for my cousin who even had an assigned PoA. It took a while but they stabiized her.) From there she can be transitioned to MC if you work with a social worker at the hospital.
I know a woman who chased after her family members with a pair of scissors in her hand. Her family had to remove all sharp objects from her sight and place her in a facility as soon as possible.
Was your father there when your mother attacked you? Is he aware of her aggression? He should be concerned about your safety and his wife’s needs for proper care.
I do not have personal experience in this area. Others on the forum have been through similar situations and will advise you on what to do next.
Continue researching memory care facilities so you will have a place lined up for your mom to move into.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
It can be the fork in the road - from a scary trail in the woods to a new path. The new one can also be scary. It is unknown, requires much trust in medical staff & other professionals. It can take a while until you find yourself able to relax - out of the woods.
You can see the big picture - Mom's behaviour requires more than family can do. Needs a supervised MC environment.
Can your Dad see this yet?
What does Dad want now? Does he know?
Would he go collect Mom from hospital if the hospital asks him to? Or Mom herself pressures him to?
(I speak from the position of watching my Father collect my Mother - against medical advice.
My Father did what he wanted to do, what he felt he must, which is fine - but the consequences were his to bear).
I think you will make an excellant advocate for BOTH your parent's needs.
Keep updating if it helps you. Strength to you today through the crises.
I am so glad your mom is going to get the care she needs and you and the rest of the family are safe.
Many people do not want their LO medicated because it "will make them like a zombie"
It can not be comfortable for your mom to have bouts of anger, anxiety so much so that she lashes out like you have described. Medication will calm her and help with the anger and anxiety.
Having dementia has to be frightening and with no way to express feelings lashing out is the way many deal. Much like a child having a temper tantrum, that is the only way they know how to express frustration. The difference be tween a 30 pound child and 130 pound (or more) adult makes it much more dangerous to handle without medications.
I hope your mom gets the peace she needs.
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