Mom is not eating. I know we can’t force her to eat, but any other suggestions?

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Mom is not eating. I know we can’t force her to eat, but any other suggestions?

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Anyone have experience with their aged parent not eating?

Mom has a parathyroid issue and as soon as she started taking the meds, she practically stopped eating. I know the meds are part of the problem.

She had surgery to remove the abnormal gland, but they couldn’t find it, so we are back to square one.

She’s in the hospital now and has been given appetite stimulant, but she still only eats probably less than a cup of food all day.

So far the stimulant doesn’t seem to be working and she has been prescribed twice the normal dose.

I am thinking she is at the end of life. They are sending her to a skilled nursing facility today for physical rehab, but if she continues not eating enough, she won’t have the strength.

We give her all soft food and ground up meats with gravies and things like that, and Ensure, but she has no interest in any of it.

I know we can’t force her to eat, but any other suggestions?

Diet & Nutrition End of Life Signs Loss of Appetite

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Is there another type of med she can take, maybe a different dose? Maybe a different pharmacy? Or another combination of one?

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Treats, feed her fun food.. Milkshakes is one of them, I AGREE !!

TAke milkshake and put half of ensure in it whatever she wants.

Whey protein powder, fruit, ice, milk.. What ever sounds good to your mom is the way to go.

How about her favorite shake from her favorite fastfood place? What did you and mom do before all this happened? Reminisce.

Play her favorite music, and hold her hand and dance, dance like nobody is watching or listening. Let her sing if she can and wants to. Make it happy when you see her. And be happy when you give her her favorite shakes and things.

Hot fudge sundaes? Leave off the nuts. Banana splits?

Has she had a swallowing test done? Does it hurt her to swallow? I am probably way off track, usually am, but trying to think outside the box...

You know your mom, maybe you are right, maybe she is just tired, and she doesn't want to go through anymore surgeries, etc. spend quality time with her, and make it as fun as you possibly can.

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Dear golden 23, Yes I know that parathyroid glands can be located higher in the neck or down into the upper chest. An experienced surgeon (defined as having performing at least 50 of this procedure) will find all four of the glands. This is the reason for my criticism. Bottom line: if you are having any surgery, you want a surgeon who has done the procedure many times before she gets to you!

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People do stop eating at the end of their life. It's hard to say if this is what is happening. I had a person in his 30's dying from cancer. I would make "milkshakes" with protein powder, frozen fruit and heavy cream. This kept his weight up which contributed to quality of life. We are naturally attracted to fat, sugar and salt. Try to find something she will eat--anything. If she will eat candy, then candy it is. M&M's seem particularly irresistible to elders with dementia. The parathyroid glands are responsible for how the body uses calcium. Problems with the glands can cause wide spread but vague misery. I'm shocked that a surgeon couldn't find them??I'll give him a clue. There are four of them located on the back side of the thyroid gland --duh! And yes I have seen them, etc in my work with animals.

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Toadhall - sometime there are extra (ectopic) parathyroid glands in various locations elsewhere in the body. An abnormal gland would not be found if looking for it in the normal location by the usual means . The incidence is 16% and a special scan is needed to find them.

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It sounds as if she not only can't handle eating, her system is shutting down towards the end. Be kind to her and give her as much love as you can but do not try to force her to do anything - she is too weak physically as well. Make her days peaceful and prepare yourself. Good luck.

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I had/have the same issue with my Father who is 91. What I do is use a baby grinder to grind the foods that I know he loves. I then started with very small portions - maybe just a couple tablespoons at a time, in little pretty bowls. I would distract him while I fed him. I stopped when he wanted and then made sure he had nutritional fluids to sip on during the day. We joked about my feeding him, all the while telling him it was to help grow his stomache. I would tell him how much I love him and need him, and how proud I am when he puts on even one pound. He currently weighs 115 lbs...but was down to 105 Lbs in November. He feeds himself now but I still have to remind him occasionally that it is meal time. I hope this helps!! One word of warning, bullying or pushing them to eat only makes it harder on them. Distraction, love, making it fun goes a LONG ways towards growing their stomache so they desire food again.

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I love this post. Thank you. I am currently going through this with my mom. She will eat occasionally but will always eat sweets and potatoes. She just gained 2 oz in a week because of me giving her what made her happy. This is just confirmation that what I am doing will in time produce a positive outcome.

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It is usually an end of life issue. You can get a product called kefir, She only needs 3 table spoons 2 times a day. It helps with stomach problems due to meds. It might help.
I wish you well

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Kefir is a lovely probiotic drink similar to liquid yogurt, it's not a miracle drug. And why limit it to 3 Tbsp, I usually drink a 6 or 8 ounce glass?

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My Mom went through this. She stopped eating. She was on hospice care and only ate a little ice cream every day and drank a little bit. She lasted 5 1/2 weeks. She died on 1/12/19. She was 92 1/2. It is hard for me to day this. I miss her terribly.

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I'm so sorry. Sending warm thoughts your way.

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I just went through this and it looks like it is the end of life. My mother just died 3/2/19.

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I am sorry for your loss. It is hard to go through that end-of-life stage just before death.. (((Hugs)))

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You don't say how old your Mom is or if she has any other issues, like dementia, that you are dealing with as well. But,....yes....this could be the "end of life" decision on her part. My MIL, tho she was 89, finally did the same thing, tho she would clench her lips together so that we couldn't put any food in her mouth. So, if Mom is not at that point, I would look elsewhere.

It could be that she just hurts! Or she's just tired of the whole mess. If she's younger than 65, she probably might be suffering depression at this point. These are things that you can look into with her doctor.

If she's not feeling well, Mom won't eat. You don't feel like eating when you don't feel good, do you? I would bet my money on depression for now.

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Some say o give then sweets and potatoes etc but my husband has diabetes and stage 4 kidney and cannot eat just anything. He has been given something to help his appite and it is working but still not gaining weight. This is my main worry. He is 82 yrs old.
Julie

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I cannot say whether she is at EOL stage since I am not a medical professional. Some suggestions would be blended foods, yogurt, mashed banana, pudding, et al.

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When a person's body is shutting down, they lose the desire to eat. Hospice said to give my husband whatever he wanted and if he didn't want to eat, not to force him to eat. A dying body doesn't need food. I was told that "not eating" is harder on the people who love him than it is on the person himself. Sometimes we try to keep people alive when their body is trying to let them die. It has taken me a long time to understand this, but now I let my husband eat whatever he wants to eat or to not eat anything when he doesn't feel like eating. Is he losing weight? Yes, but he is happy and I want him to be happy.

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I needed to hear this. We loss my 89 year old mother in December and now my 90 year old father is not eating. He is just not hungry. He will eat sweets though. He is very depressed and wants to be with mom. Health wise, he is okay. I do my best, but I still worry. You are so right, it is harder on those who love and take care of him. Thanks, I needed to be reminded. -A loving daughter.

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If it started with the meds, I'd talk to doc about getting her off meds - or try another med. My mom had meds that made her not eat - they were memory pills - so was easy to just stop them. then doc put her on something else. Meds can cause many issues - especially with older folks. Anesthesia/pain meds/muscle relaxers can have major dementia type of side effects and with my mom - the side effects lasted for 3 wks after we stopped the meds (only took meds 4 days)….remember stomach shrinks when you don't eat....so going back to eating is a slow process. Also agree with others on something sweet and anything she loves - whether healthy or not. I had heard just sprinkling sugar over food can help. Best of luck!

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this is exactly why after my dad died, I feel such guilt......I feel he stopped eating due to the antibiotics making everything taste metallic...he also was delirious from the infection(severe sepsis/heart infection/bedsore/bedridden with a urinary catheter) and antibiotics......they wanted to put in a feeding tube and I said no and he died in hospice 3 days later......but I regret it....ie the drs saw someone agitated and demented and not eating and hospice was the option......but I think if his anitbiotics were changed perhaps he would have started eating/drinking again and perhaps regained his mental status.....they gave him 2 weeks to "turnaround" before choosing hospice...uggh…….im the one that brought hospice up because I didn't want the feeding tube...ie he hadn't eaten in weeks......

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My mother disliked Ensure, but Ensure makes a juice-box like product called Ensure clear which she enjoyed. Hot chocolate was also well tolerated. My dad went through a rough stretch and the only thing he consumed was orange soda pop (for about 3 to 4 weeks. He improved and finally was able to eat again and lived another year and a half. Sometimes other problems can be at play. Your mom should be checked for thrush. With thrush, it can be hard to swallow, and foods don't taste good.

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If you think she's at the end of life, talk to her and ask her. If the answer is yes, (or if she's unable to respond) please think about contacting hospice. My Mama was in rehab after surgery for broken femur, came home and after two ER trips, came home and her body started decreasing the amount of food she could take in. My Daddy talked with her and she was ready for hospice to come in. Her body was tired, and her mind was tired of fighting an uphill battle, so hospice was brought in after my Daddy talked with the family doctor. Hospice made her so comfortable and helped us as she let go. Hardest thing we have ever done, but I can say the not eating was a sign for her, my Daddy and me to know it was time to help her not be in pain anymore. Talk with your Mom and let her know she is in control of what happens next. Hugs to you as you continue on this journey.

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If she is truly at the end of life then I would let her dictate. However, as a person ages the sense of smell often decreases. One helpful tip is to saute onions, and garlic in some butter. The aroma is strong and will often start the salivary glands and increase hunger.

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Have you tried sweet things like puddings, rice pudding, some foods that are purree but still tasty. A mashed banana? Soupy ice cream? Mashed potatoes with butter and milk so it’s really soft? Has a swallow test been done to see if she is capable of swallow? I used to bring my mom Banana Cream Pie. I knew that she loved it.

When my mother went to this stage, she did not last very long....I knew her feelings about forced feeding so we never had a feeding tube inserted.

I wish you all all the best at this difficult time. I’m so sorry that she is going through this.

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I lost my father at 94 yrs old in jan. I would say the same thing as loosingit said. Take our advice n as hard as it sounds she might be gettn ready n u might b get prepared also. im sorry n god bless u. N all ourcaregivers.if you think tht this is wht might b. Why put her thru all this physical thing.also i was doin all the above things u mentioned u were doin with tryn to feed him plus ensure last thing he was eating was a blend of egg n fruits r veggies ina blender til he just gave up n passed 3 days later i felt it in my gut wht was abt to end.

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So, why the soft diet? Does she have dental issues? My thought is that if she can communicate, she should be given anything in the world she wants to eat so long as it won't interfere with the thyroid issue. If she does have strength or can be encouraged in the PT, maybe that socialization and physical exertion will generate some appetite. It is one of the hardest things for any of us who care to witness a loved one not wanting to eat, and dealing with our emotions around loss, which is inevitable and unavoidable but heartbreaking.
If you think it is the meds, maybe a different med needs to be considered? What if there is a (MD supervised) drug holiday? If only to see what happens/changes appetite wise.
At one point a couple years ago I was very sick with bronchitis and lost my appetite. Pretty much some tea, grapefruit and not much else left me in terrible shape. I knew I had to eat, but didn't even have the strength to fix anything...it was dreadful. It took a day to get some clothes pulled on but I got to a grocery that has some prepared items, like tuna, chicken salads, potato salads etc. I grabbed some of it all, and told myself even if I ate only a spoonful, it was better than nothing...and very slowly I got back to myself...but it took a long while. I can still remember how good the guacamole at Chipotle tasted the first day I went back to work!
Good luck....

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Have the hospital or facility change her meds. It may help her get her appetite back. Also, if you suspect she's in the end of life stages, meet with staff about hospice. At this point, she sounds like she needs it.

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None of us know if its indeed hard for your mum to eat after her sugery. Are they giving your mum drinks with vitamins in? My mum wouldnt eat pureed food said it was disgusting and it did indeed look it.

My mum had dementia and ate no more than a bird, the last few months . As long as your mum is drinking its a start as its whens shes stops drinking things get worse. All you can do is encourage your mum to try and get her to eat little bits and drink as much as she can. Unfortuntaley due to my mums dementia and giving up i reckon she stop drinking too. So within a few weeks she had passed away at the grand age of 89 the end of June 18. Good luck i hope you get your mum sorted. I know how worrying it can be x

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So many wonderful suggestions. Have not had time to read them all but wanted to add that it is important to keep moms mouth moist. The meds could possibly be causing dry mouth which may make eating even more distasteful. Clean mouth (dentures) often, this may help. This is definitely one of the harder things caregivers go thru. Good luck & God Bless 🙏

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I don't want to be negative Nancy here but, my mother ended her journey in January and she also had stopped eating or refused to eat most food do to the lost of taste. Does she only like sweets? The taste of salt? Only certain foods? Try making some smoothies, you can put also anything in them, fruits, veggies, no meat though. If she doesn't start eating skilled nursing isn't going to help. Is there therapy for her condition? Is she still functioning? Is she sleeping? Cognitive? If she's retreating into herself, I'm afraid that she's preparing herself for her final journey. And you should prepare yourself as well. I hope this helps, at least some of it. Be at peace love

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At the end, my dad was unable to eat anything due to severe abdominal pain. The dying process took several weeks and it was very difficult for him, and for me to bear witness to. I had to bring in Hospice to provide bedside care but they were unable to adequately control his suffering. If your mom is not suffering, let that be the blessing in this situation.

In the year leading up to the end, my dad experienced nausea and appetite issues. We had good success putting some weight back on him with 2 chocolate milkshakes daily. He enjoyed them and came to look forward to them until his system could no longer process anything. Our bodies know how to shut themselves down and will do so when it's time, despite the best medical efforts to persuade the body otherwise.

I hope your mom will rally in nursing care but as another post pointed out, Medicare doesn't reimburse the facility if your mom doesn't participate in the treatment protocol. It's time to prepare for the possibility that Hospice care will be the next step.

I know what a difficult time this is for both of you and send my wishes for your continued strength during the challenges ahead. Blessings.

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boost or ensure type drink or if you are in a state with legal marijuana it is helpful with appetite

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Orgain protein shakes, found at health food stores or buy online.
My dad's favorite is Vanilla Bean and Chocolate Fudge.
Excellent nutrition. Far better than anything else that's out there, so a bit more expensive, yet still better, if you can swing it.

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I worked in medical rehab for years and, believe me, no reputable facility will keep a patient who cannot or will not participate in the program. There will be an evaluation period of a few days and then the team has to come up with a plan of care. I hope a family member can attend the care conference or at least meet with the team leader.

Sometimes a person ends up on a rehab unit as a stepping stone to some other placement. The justification is to "give them a chance" to improve. Once in a while, a person behaves differently than at home. Visit often and hope for the best!

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I learned in school and the doctors agreed with me on my mom. Try to tempt with sweet things, ice cream, jello, pudding. It helps open the senses and if she can eat just a little something it will help.

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With infinite patience you may be able to coax her to eat, and thicken all fluids. My mom is at those final stages of Alzheimer's so it is difficult for her to eat but I manage..however it takes about 1-1/2 hours to feed her. She also forgets how to swallow so that's another issue. I depend a lot on ice cream to get her started, and she also likes popcorn. Usually the popcorn will start her eating. Sometimes not. If you do not have this kind of time or patience, you have two options when they adamantly refuse to eat: Hospice, and give them pain meds until they die, or a feeding tube. If you are unable to give the narcotics orally they can be given rectally since they will absorb there. Also do planning for the funeral or cremation. Nursing home will usually stick a feeding tube in them simply due to the lack of time they have with so many patients. When they refuse to eat they get weaker and weaker and it can take like two weeks to finally die. It's a terrible thing to go through.
I watched my father die of cancer at home and he was on hospice. It took weeks and it was a very slow, horrifying process. At the very end he vomited black liquid and then he died. He must have choked on it I'm not sure. But don't EVER say dying is peaceful or beautiful. It's horrible to die that slowly. Daddy looked like a skeleton and his abdomen was swollen and hospice never drained the fluid even when they said they would. To this day I hate them.

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I hope when I am so old that I need surgery and the surgery does not work and I’m tired of living that no one will force me to eat. Let me die in peace.

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There is no peace with dying. It's a very lengthy, fearful horrible process. I read other posts it took their loved one like two weeks to die. Don't ever say dying is peaceful. That is rarely the case.

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Mom is not eating. I know we can’t force her to eat, but any other suggestions?

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