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I came up with techniques that would help her answer her own questions, like showing her how her cell phone would automatically give the date, time, and day of the week - instead of asking me every half hour. She has done pretty well with this, but recently she has reverted back to asking me what day it is, or where I'm going after I've told her a few minutes before. Interestingly, she doesn't seem to do this to anyone else. Is this because I'm with her most of the time?( I drive her to doctors appointment, shop for groceries, cook meals, dust and vacuum her house, deal with major house repairs and yard problems. )
This all sounds so silly and elementary, considering how bad it could actually be, and I should be thankful that she can still do major things herself (bathroom, dressing, eating).
Bit it's almost like mental torture, having to repeat myself hundreds of times a day. I'm so selfish, I know. But please don't be too hard on me (some of you will be) it's a good thing to share fears etc. to avoid a major problem down the line, right? Is this an example of the sadness of caring for an elderly parent - they will never learn from your guidance and direction,unlike raising a child who eventually will benefit?

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We must always be kind to one another and be compassionate with our thoughts. Try walking a day in the other person's shoes.

I appreciate my wife's kindness - about so so much. We've had a whole lot more good days than bad, through our 41 years of marriage, two sons, daughters-in-law and seven adorable grandchildren. Since my retirement as a senior project manager in 2008, we have been actively involved in a non-profit I founded (dedicated to community building through intergenerational engagements).

I have noticed, for quite a while (maybe 20 years ago) that my short term memory was fading. The medical test then did not reveal anything. When I had to do extensive documentation of meetings, later in my career, I noticed that I had to consistently ask that sentences be repeated (since by the end of the sentence, I would forget its beginning).

Fast forward. Now that we are together full time, she becomes increasingly impatient at my repeating questions (which she may have just answered, but I forgot). Sometimes, she makes a specific, detailed request - 10 seconds later I have no clue about the details she provided. She refuses to answer the next go round. Sometimes, the answer does come to me, but not always. And not wanting to agitate her, I avoid asking for clarification and do my very best to carry out her request, only to learn it was CLEARLY not what was requested. Ordinarily, I believe in always seeking clarification before acting,

It may be that I would be impatient if I were in her shoes. I do not deliberately forget. I find neither convenience nor joy in forgetting. She just shuts down if I try to explain. And, in THIS context of forgetfulness, I am afraid of the future.

Otherwise, I am very active in the community and keep fit with workouts and the gym. Every night, I look back with thanks for the day, and look forward to celebrating new tomorrows.

I submit this post with the hope that it offers caregivers (who are so very appreciated) a short walk in the shoes of those for whom you care.

Let's be kind to one another, and, may our thoughts always be filled with compassion.
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Repetitive questions are like Chinese water torture. Water drips slowly one drop at a time on top of the head of the victim for hours and days until the victim goes crazy. That's what it feels like to hear those stupid questions over and over and over again. I have to lock myself in my room to get away from the crazy mother. She even follows me to the bathroom to ask. I just want to scream at her to get away from me. Instead, I lock myself in the van and scream my frustration. I used to feel guilty, but not much anymore.
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I am now where you are. My patience is being tested as well. As far as the days, dates and time, I bought my mom who is 97 a clock that answers all of this in bold letters and large print. Amazon has it on sale. Mom has also begun to ask (seemingly every five minutes) other questions. I’ve started writing down the answers once and making several copies at a time so all I have to do is hand it over to her and she can see the answers. These strategies are not a substitute for spending quality time talking with your loved one. I use these when I’m a little overwhelmed. I hope this helps. I’m struggling with the guilt of selfishness as well. We are a work in progress. Hang in there. You are not alone.
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I am now where you are. My patience is being tested as well. As far as the days, dates and time, I bought my mom who is 97 a clock that has all of this in bold letters and large print. Amazon has it on sale. I’ve hung it in front of the chair she sits in most of the time. That way when she asks I can tell her to look at the clock. It’s really helpful. 
Mom has also begun to ask (seemingly every five minutes) other questions. I’ve started writing it down once and making several copies at a time so all I have to do is hand it over to her.  However these are not to be a substitute for spending quality time talking with your loved one. I just use these strategies at times when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I hope this helps. I’m struggling with the guilt of selfishness as well. We are a work in progress. Stay strong. You’re not alone. 
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@Riley - you CAN'T tell someone with dementia to stop, that's the point. It's not a question of "putting up with it." It just IS, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't reason with someone with dementia. You can't make demands of them or have expectations. You can't just tell them to do or not do something and think that will work. They CAN'T remember. They're brains are broken. They're not children who can learn things, or be put in a time out. You're going to frighten and agitate the person, and just make everything worse, especially if you blow your top. If you just can't deal, and your loved one gets dementia, then I'm afraid you're going to have to put them in a home.

@Sue - I remember seeing "itching powder" for sale in the backs of old comic books, YEARS ago, alongside the "x-ray specs" and "joy buzzers." It was meant for use as a prank. There was also a chewing gum that did something awful to people (was it a terrible taste? I don't recall), and another "chewing gum" pack that was actually like a mousetrap that snapped shut on your friend's finger when they tried to take a stick!  Your ma must have very itchy skin; my mom does too. 

I like the dry erase board idea OzarkOlly suggested when this was originally posted. I might try it. I've been using recipe cards above the clocks, with the day of the week printed on them in Sharpie - I change them over at midnight. But sometimes mom can't read words, or read the clocks (I have one digital and one analog, side-by-side), or even comprehend whether it's day or night, even with the curtains wide open.
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Irishspirit,
My mom has done the repeating questions 'thing' for about 2 years. She's 95 at stage 6-7 Alzheimer's. I've heard her tell me about someone putting "itching powder" (whatever that is) in her clothes 30 times a day, she has a terrible headache 40 times a day, etc. (yes, I've counted).

She's what I refer to as 'fixated' on these subjects and no amount of diversion, redirection, distraction, changing the subject, will stop her from saying it. It's a compulsion.

I've told her that I can't keep answering the same question over and over because I'm getting anxious and don't want to get mad. Occasionally that will work for awhile.
I've also told her that I will be in the next room (just so I don't have to face the question), hoping she forgets. Sometimes I just turn off my hearing and play deaf.

Remember to try to relax, deep breaths, leave and come back, whatever will get you through the day.

I guess you just become numb to it. Don't feel you 'owe' her an answer each time. Don't carry around any guilt for having to be this way with her. It's a coping tactic. Without it your caregiving would be comprised.

Bless us all with our 'broken record' loved ones.
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Riley,
Your profile says you are caring for a LO with age related decline.
I hope for both your sakes it never goes into dementia. You'll have to make some different living arrangements because demented people have broken brains and forget things.

Yeah, it drives me nuts too but it isn't their fault. Just like a person with hypertension isn't at fault for a high BP. Screaming at them will not "shock" them out of their dementia. Nor will trying to explain it. They CAN'T comprehend it.

It might be a good idea to read up on the different types of dementias and the different levels of incapacity. They will never learn like children. They have no capacity to retain information.
And no amount of telling them to stop is going to MAKE them stop. They can't follow directions.

You can choose to stay and find a way to cope or choose to leave and not deal with the problem.
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Unless YOU want to end up completely INSANE, you very firmly, and possibly a bit on the loud side tell her she just said this or repeated this or that and you are not going to allow it any longer. Tell her she has to stop. I know it is the disease but that does not mean you should put up with it and go nuts. I know I can't stand this nonsense and if it kept happening, I know I would blow my top big time. I really don't know any other way to make this stop. Sad but true.
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Riley2166 & blannie--Please see my post above. You could write the answer and either just point to this each time the question is asked. You could write it in such a way that the question that was just asked would be obvious in the answer, in case your LO forgets having asked it or forgets what the question was when shown the answer. Doing this has helped to save both my voice and my sanity!
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Riley2166 I hope you're not dealing with a loved one with cognitive decline or dementia. They can't HELP that they're asking the same question over and over - their brains are broken. Speaking to them loudly and assertively won't fix their problem. My mom had no short-term memory, so she could ask me the same thing 5X in 10 minutes. As soon as I answered her, it was out of her brain and a minute later, she'd ask again. She couldn't help it.
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I don't know how anyone human can put up with this or have the patience. For a while, or a few times, I could handle that but if it kept up, I would completely lose it. The instant I heard the same question I would respond in a very loud, assertive voice - you just told me that, etc. I can't and won't put up with it. For me, it will push me off the edge and I am not going to let that happen. There are some things I just can't and won't put up with I don't know any other answer.
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I bought my dad a Google home. It is voice activated so all he has to do is say, "Okay Google- what is today's date? It works great for weather and any other logistical info as well. He loves Google music stations. He has severe macular degeneration, So written info is almost impossible.
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Understand completely because it is only human nature to get annoyed with having to repeat yourself over and over. We went through the same with Mom, plus she was very deaf, didn't clean her hearing aids so half the time couldn't hear so I had to shout. Dementia is horrible. I feel guilty, now that she is gone, that I was so annoyed about those things she couldn't help. (But I couldn't help being human either) I try not to think about the fact that I might do the same to my children 10, 20 years from now.
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I know we all react differently - some can handle this stuff, others can't. What YOU must remember is one thing above all others. You can control ONLY YOUR OWN REACTIONS. If that means that the person with the memory problems is beginning to cause problems or is doing that constantly, then YOU have to do WHATEVER IT IS THAT WILL PROTECT Y O U FROM HARM that their actions are causing you. YOU CANNOT ALLOW ANOTHER PERSON TO DESTROY YOU. You owe it to YOU to take care of yourself first. If that means, removing them - then it becomes a matter of survival. It is NOT Y O U R FAULT that they have problems. You did NOT cause the problems. YOU can't fix them. So YOU must be tough and do what YOU must do to save yourself. Based on a lifetime of experiences, I have learned this the hard way - too late. I wish I had learned this much earlier in life. In other words, sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is walk away but if you want to keep your sanity and "life", you have to do this. And eventually you will know in your heart and head you did the only possible thing you could do given the circumstances. Remember, NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO DESTROY SOMEONE ELSE - EVER!
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I'm thankful I found this string. My mother, who has always been somewhat of an "interrogator" who would ask about a lot of unnecessary details, has continued this into her old age (almost 92), but now with her being very hard-of-hearing and having short-term memory loss I find it very difficult to avoid becoming frustrated and impatient. She is in a nursing home, but two hours spent with her is sometimes far more stressful than a full day of work was before I retired. She had developed the memory loss before I retired, and it had one positive effect: because much of my work entailed providing technical support to customers (mostly medical professionals), the latter was "child's play" compared to talking with my mother, and both coworkers and customers were impressed with my patience. I've provided FAQ sheets for her which have helped. However, I've noticed that when the NH staff members change her routine, this leads to a bunch of questions, so I've asked them to keep her routine the same as what it was before.
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Sometimes I surprise her with a pop quiz - to test her memory, like asking her what day it is (she will then look at her cell phone, or see if the newspaper came, etc.). Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. Like many of you say, strategies will work for only so long. But at least it gives me a tiny break.
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Irish my mom has some level of dementia - basically no short-term memory. But she doesn't have Alzheimers. She never knows what day it is, so I got her a digital clock through Amazon that has the time, day of the week, date and temperature. I put it right next to her chair where she can always see it easily. I frequently asked her what day it was when I first got it for her, to make her look over and reference it. She's told me many times how it's helped her know what day it is. It took her probably three weeks to get used to it and remember to look at it.

Now it's handy because my mom can't remember to turn on her AC when it's hot, so when I call, I ask what the temperature is. If it's in the 80s, I tell her to get up and shut her windows and turn on the AC. Before we had that clock, I couldn't do that. I also made a big sign and pinned it to her couch (right next to her chair) that tells her she's 95. That was another question I'd get 5X a day. Sometimes she remembers that's there, sometimes not.

If your mom has Alzheimers, these kinds of things would only work for so long, but if you get a few months of relief, it would be worth it!
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Lots of great advice and compassion, thank you all. I don't know what would happen if you weren't all available to give support. I forgot to mention in my first post that mom did have a cerebral bleed 30 years ago, in addition to the dementia starting. Could this event be affecting the degree of her dementia now, I wonder.
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GladImHere...I respectfully disagree with the moving now is less emotionally disruptive & easier to do early. If the loved one is happy with that move then, yeah. But most don't want to leave familiar peopke or surroundings & the move is frightening & depressing at best or refused & fought tooth & nail at worst. I've known elders who have walked away from AL facilities because they were upset being there. My mother would definitely be someone who would do that...if I could even get her NEAR a facility in the first place! I'm trying SO hard not to lose my sanity caring for her before she gets to the point where she doesn't even recognize home & transferring her to a facility won't meet resistance from her.
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Irish, it sounds like dementia is taking its grip. If this drives you crazy now, wait, it is going to get much much worse. It drives us all nutty and we have each had to lear to just answer again, calmly. Is she living in your home or the other way around? It is great that you were able to "teach" her a technique for checking date and time on her cell phone. She will end up forgetting that technique and even how to use a phone, any kind of phone. If this is all hard for you now, I suggest you start looking for a continuum of care facility for your mom now. She may only need assisted living at present, as she ages she is going to need more help. And these facilities will be able to accomodate her increasing needs. Moving her now will also be much easier on her emotionally. You wait too long and nobody is able to make sense to her about where she is and why.
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I got so tired of answering the day/date questions a million times a day that I bought a small dry erase board & pen & hung it in direct view of her living room chair. Each day I write the day of the week, the date & the next major holiday or life event on it. For instance, today I wrote "Today is Saturday, August 1st, 2015. Your wedding anniversary is August 25th." You can customize your board to whatever questions seem to be an issue at any one time. Granted, a dry erase or chalkboard doesn't exactly fit in with the rest of my decor and it doesn't completely curb the repetitive questions but lessening it by even one time is a godsend!
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Just yesterday I was joking around with the PT people and the aide about just recording Mom's various complaints so she could save her voice, as they're always exactly the same. I don't know how many times I've explained to her that the green button turns the TV on and off and the blue buttons with the arrows are for changing the channel but it never registers.
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Mom does this often and I try to joke sometimes about it. She'll ask a question, I answer, she'll ask again and I'll kind of sing and joke and she says oh I just asked you that, I need a repeat button so you won't have to and we both had a really good laugh. It's not the say that's always the case, but if I start to sing the answer back she almost knows immediately oops I must have just asked that question, so now sometimes she writes it down and can remember to look at sometimes. It's hard to keep the levity going but it takes the sting and irritation away from both of us. I try to keep the answers rather short (not short with her but concise in my answer) also and that helps me stay calmer. Sometimes I blow it and I'm like Macauley Caulkin screaming to myself in the Home Alone movies, but since the singing answer seems to work after I've initially answered, then I try to do that first and then I can more easily redirect her and we move on from it.

One time we had just gotten off the phone and she called right back and I spewed out my answer before she could really talk and she said I know that we just talked, this time I'm calling to ask about this which was something different. She said I'm not completely bonkers yet then she laughed and I did too though I felt like a heel.
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You are absolutely NOT selfish and nothing silly about your question... this is one of the things that drive most of us nuts, the repeated questions.......I usually work with Alz clients, but am now working with a Stroke patient... she does the same thing..... short term memory loss..... and yes, it drives me nuts sometimes.... I just take a deep breath and answer again.... I have often thought of recording answers and just hit 'play', ya, the things that go thru our mind when we are in that situation...... but do not ever think anything that is bothering you or has you upset or worried is silly..... it is hard to do this day in ad day out.... not one thing selfish about that..... don't think there is a magic answer, as they are all different, and something you try to use to redirect them may work for awhile and then we have to come up with something else.... but know you can even come here and ask us the same question over and over , (LOL) and we will support , love and give you hugs...... only other caregivers understand... sending you lots of hugs for looking for help.....
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This website, Aging Care, has a lot of excellent articles.... I found one that talks about a patient saying the same thing over and over... hope it will be helpful for you, plus 40 comments were written about this article [look above the article's title].

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elders-repeating-the-same-story-146023.htm
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I don't really have an answer for you regarding what to do about answering the same questions over and over again but I don't think this sounds like a silly problem at all. I agree that it sounds like mental torture and I don't think you're being selfish even one little bit.

Hopefully someone who's been in this situation will chime in but in the meantime don't be so hard on yourself. If an elderly parent were asking me the same question over and over it'd drive me crazy.
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