My mother suffers from dementia. She has accused me of being after her husband--my father-- and wanting to take him away from her. She comes after me for this and it leaves me in tears. Has anyone else encountered this problem and how did you cope with it?
Does your mother recognize you as her daughter at all? In other words, is this a relentless thing, or is it" just" some of the time?
Is she able to be redirected at all? Like a brisk business-like "don't worry about that Mrs. W, I have a husband at home. Would you like some iced tea now?". Or, "I love you both, Mrs. W, but I never mix my love life up with caregiving"?.
In other words, you play the part of the busy caregiver, not the wounded daughter.
Of course this IS wounding, and terribly so.
If this is constant, it may be time for placement. It can't be good for mom to be so agitated over "the other woman" being there all the time.
I'm so sorry and hope others will have better suggestions.
You cannot change this, you can control it to some degree with medication
My Dad believed I was his lover. Told me once he would have married me if he had met me first! Good grief. He believed Mom had a boyfriend in the house every night.
Worse with sundown. Sedative helped.
When you are helping & your dad is interacting pleasantly with you then your mom sees it as something to be jealous about - I bet your mom's dementia is higher than you think - have her tested soon -
I was surprised that my mom was moderate to severe when I thought she was mild in dementia - particularly when living in same place for long time they are following routine which can mask how far down they have become - an old adage said people's dementia shows up after a move but it is their familiar routine that hid it - good luck
I was always told never agitate, never correct, and never argue. When your visit, bring her something that will make her happy, watch something funny on TV. Make the moment pleasant for her and when she gets angry: redirect, redirect, redirect. I know it sounds simple, but it works.
She will eventually forget too, so take that heart that these accusations won't last forever. My mom was very angry in the early stages of dementia. Now she is back to her sweet self, which I am very grateful. But there was a time she hated me, and it was incredibly painful.
This too will pass. Join a support group or take a class that explains how to deal with dementia behaviors. It will be a tremendous help.
Before you reach that point, walk away. When someone is stretched as thin as a caregiver is, it's far too easy to explode, and in some cases, that explosion may go farther than intended. And again, remember who you are dealing with. This person has no clue why you're yelling at them. You're not dealing with a "whole" person.
My mom is doing well in her Memory Care facility and seems happy and content. She welcomes my visits and phone calls and seems to have forgotten "the other woman!" Hopefully, "she" is forgotten forever but, if she isn't, I will take a deep breath and just remember all the reasons why I love my mom so much.
Thanks, again, to everyone.
I'm *so* glad for you that your Mom is doing well in her Memory Care facility, and these "other woman" delusions are fading away. Hopefully they don't return! Best wishes to you and your family.