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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Hi Constance It sounds like you need to call her primary and request hospice. Or just call a hospice provider and ask for an evaluation. Have you already done that? Is she already on hospice? Is she coherent? Is she free of pain and discomfort? Do you know her preferences for end of life decisions? What now would really depend on her wishes. I know it is a difficult time. Keep us posted on how she is doing.
Already asked, but my first question is the same: Is she on hospice?
Is her pain (assuming she has some) being managed?
Is she ready to go? Lots of people that old are "done".
She could still stay alive for some time, but I would make sure everyone gets a chance to say goodbye and I love you and let her know it's OK if she needs to leave you soon.
Constance, when you ask "what now" are you asking "how long"?
Some people hang on in this weakened state for months, others less so.
What is your mom's pain from? Does she have a life-limiting condition like cancer or dementia?
Does she had an end of life directive, saying what she wants in terms of end of life procedures? Would SHE want a feeding tube? (I think that feeding tubes are wonderful for folks who have a temporary condition that is curable and when the patient will soon regain their ability to eat. Not so much for the extremely elderly who are not going to regain that faculty).
Have you read Atul Gawande's "On Being Mortal: What Matters in the End"? It's a book that will help you to clarify the choices you will be asked to make.
((((((Hugs))))))). This is soooooo hard. We all know.
when the changes are noticeable from one month to the next..there are only months left. When the changes are noticeable from one week to the next, there are only weeks left. But when the changes are daily....there are only days left.
It is normal for the patient to stop eating...then stop drinking. As the body shuts down the digestive system is early in the process. Eating or later drinking becomes impossible because the stomach cannot digest. I was also told that the brain gives off endorphins, so she will not feel hunger pains at all.
i feel this is coming to the end. When it does come, please do not be alone. This was the single hardest 2 days of my life...it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Please make sure you have someone to be with you through this coming ordeal.
Constance, so sorry you’re going through this. I just went through it with my mom in April. Very tough. You asked, what now? Does she wake up at all so you can talk to her? If not, you can still speak to her. Just pretend she hears you...they say hearing is the last sense to go so even if she doesn’t respond she may take comfort in hearing your voice. Watch for changes in her breathing or if it appears labored. The hospice nurse can advise you on trying to keep her more comfortable if it appears breathing is hard or she’s in pain. Try to keep her mouth moist with a little sponge swab. My mom only hung on 5 days after she stopped asking for ice cream, so this is a very hard time for you and her. Try to make her as comfortable as possible. Hugs.
Her body is shutting down. Forcing her to eat is not good. Her digestive system is no longer working. With my Mom it started with anxiety. Then she fought the aides to stay in bed. She closed her eyes and never opened them again. She responded to sound and touch but just layed in the bed. The nurse called me to say she was not able to swallow anymore. I called in Hospice and my RN daughter who agreed, it was time. My daughter said one more week, Mom was gone 6 days later. From the time she wouldn't get out of bed, to her passing was about 2 weeks.
Just tell Mom its OK if she wants to let go. You will be fine. She is 91, thats a long life. Make sure everyone says Goodbye even if its over the phone.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It sounds like you need to call her primary and request hospice. Or just call a hospice provider and ask for an evaluation. Have you already done that? Is she already on hospice?
Is she coherent? Is she free of pain and discomfort? Do you know her preferences for end of life decisions?
What now would really depend on her wishes. I know it is a difficult time. Keep us posted on how she is doing.
Is her pain (assuming she has some) being managed?
Is she ready to go? Lots of people that old are "done".
She could still stay alive for some time, but I would make sure everyone gets a chance to say goodbye and I love you and let her know it's OK if she needs to leave you soon.
Some people hang on in this weakened state for months, others less so.
What is your mom's pain from? Does she have a life-limiting condition like cancer or dementia?
Does she had an end of life directive, saying what she wants in terms of end of life procedures? Would SHE want a feeding tube? (I think that feeding tubes are wonderful for folks who have a temporary condition that is curable and when the patient will soon regain their ability to eat. Not so much for the extremely elderly who are not going to regain that faculty).
Have you read Atul Gawande's "On Being Mortal: What Matters in the End"? It's a book that will help you to clarify the choices you will be asked to make.
((((((Hugs))))))). This is soooooo hard. We all know.
when the changes are noticeable from one month to the next..there are only months left. When the changes are noticeable from one week to the next, there are only weeks left. But when the changes are daily....there are only days left.
It is normal for the patient to stop eating...then stop drinking. As the body shuts down the digestive system is early in the process. Eating or later drinking becomes impossible because the stomach cannot digest. I was also told that the brain gives off endorphins, so she will not feel hunger pains at all.
i feel this is coming to the end. When it does come, please do not be alone. This was the single hardest 2 days of my life...it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Please make sure you have someone to be with you through this coming ordeal.
Just tell Mom its OK if she wants to let go. You will be fine. She is 91, thats a long life. Make sure everyone says Goodbye even if its over the phone.
May The Lord God grant you grieving mercies and strength during this time.
May your mom pass peacefully and may you find peace.