Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I acknowledge and authorize
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Does Mom live alone? Is she a danger to herself or others? Does someone else look in on her regularly? How dependent is your mother on you for her own safety?
When you say that she "has become" verbally abusive, can I conclude that this is new behavior, since the onset of dementia? If you had a good, loving relationship with her before the dementia, dig deep into your memories and call up images of what it was like when she was well. Know the change is not her fault. She no doubt would prefer to be the way she used to be even more than you would prefer it!
You have lost/are losing a loved one. In her place is someone who looks like her but for some reason beyond her control is not the same person. This is extremely sad. Allow yourself to mourn this loss, and all the losses to come. Cherish any moments when Mom is truly present. Try to be reassuring and loving to her even when she isn't particularly lovable.
When things get overwhelming for you, say your goodbyes and leave. "You seem to not be enjoying my visit today. I'll come back tomorrow and maybe things will be going better." Don't expect that this will necessarily teach her to change -- you really don't know what she might be capable of learning -- but at least it will cut short your misery.
Anger and anxiety are pretty common in the early stages, but can be managed with things like Ativan or Klonopin or Xanax. Ask her MD to prescribe something to alleviate her symptoms.
Her verbal skills are changing because of the dementia. It's not personal. This is going to happen to anyone in front of her, not specifically you only. I know, this doesn't really help make any of it feel better. It will happen when she's tired, overstimulated, frustrated, and can even happen when she is in pain.
Emotional control and the executive functions that make us all behave in socially acceptable ways degrades first. This is normal. Forbidden words, racial remarks, swearing, and such will happen when it would have been unthinkable before.
My mom also lost her ability to follow multi-step processes and make choices early on. I noticed this way before any memory related problems popped up. Her favorite choice was no choice. Not doing the dishes. Not cleaning up. Not calling a repair guy for the leak in the roof, etc.
Try to figure out when her optimum visit time is. For my mom, it's between 11:00-2:00ish. Earlier in the day and she may still be unwilling to be changed and has refused her meds - look out! Later in the day and sundowning starts and that's uglier than when she's refused her meds and won't let anybody change her smelly, used undergarment.
I try to go just before lunch is served, so there's a natural transition where I can step away and it won't be such a big deal. Or, if it's going OK, I can stay and visit during her meal.
I learned from somebody on this site that you can say "I can see I'm upsetting you, so I'll come back another time that's better. I'm sorry mom." It was probably Pam or Jeanne above who told me that! They always have great answers.
::hugs::
Don't feel bad about needing to step away or be picky about when you visit. We have to do what we must to protect our own mental health through all this. It's very stressful. Doing your best is definitely good enough. Other people with other ideas & different opinions need to walk in your shoes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When you say that she "has become" verbally abusive, can I conclude that this is new behavior, since the onset of dementia? If you had a good, loving relationship with her before the dementia, dig deep into your memories and call up images of what it was like when she was well. Know the change is not her fault. She no doubt would prefer to be the way she used to be even more than you would prefer it!
You have lost/are losing a loved one. In her place is someone who looks like her but for some reason beyond her control is not the same person. This is extremely sad. Allow yourself to mourn this loss, and all the losses to come. Cherish any moments when Mom is truly present. Try to be reassuring and loving to her even when she isn't particularly lovable.
When things get overwhelming for you, say your goodbyes and leave. "You seem to not be enjoying my visit today. I'll come back tomorrow and maybe things will be going better." Don't expect that this will necessarily teach her to change -- you really don't know what she might be capable of learning -- but at least it will cut short your misery.
Emotional control and the executive functions that make us all behave in socially acceptable ways degrades first. This is normal. Forbidden words, racial remarks, swearing, and such will happen when it would have been unthinkable before.
My mom also lost her ability to follow multi-step processes and make choices early on. I noticed this way before any memory related problems popped up.
Her favorite choice was no choice. Not doing the dishes. Not cleaning up. Not calling a repair guy for the leak in the roof, etc.
Try to figure out when her optimum visit time is. For my mom, it's between 11:00-2:00ish. Earlier in the day and she may still be unwilling to be changed and has refused her meds - look out! Later in the day and sundowning starts and that's uglier than when she's refused her meds and won't let anybody change her smelly, used undergarment.
I try to go just before lunch is served, so there's a natural transition where I can step away and it won't be such a big deal. Or, if it's going OK, I can stay and visit during her meal.
I learned from somebody on this site that you can say "I can see I'm upsetting you, so I'll come back another time that's better. I'm sorry mom." It was probably Pam or Jeanne above who told me that! They always have great answers.
::hugs::
Don't feel bad about needing to step away or be picky about when you visit. We have to do what we must to protect our own mental health through all this. It's very stressful. Doing your best is definitely good enough. Other people with other ideas & different opinions need to walk in your shoes.