So my mother in law is showing signs of Alzheimer's. Her mother and grandmother both had it as well. She is forgetting conversation she has had 2 days prior and she is thinking things have happened/ people had said stuff when they haven't. She get angry very easily at everyone, her moods swings have got worst, and had gotten physical with my husband but she refuses to go to the doctors to even get a check up, so it seems like we have to constantly take the anger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this or how we can get her just in to the doctors? This is extremely stressful.
If it is dementia, perhaps the doctor will tell her that she doesn't need to live alone. And, if she refuses, the doctor can report it to APS for an investigation. That didn't happen with my LO, but, I could tell from her language, that it would happen, if my LO did not comply by going to AL.
If she's not able to properly take medication and she needs medication.....that may be another reason for her to need help in her home. Of course, she may not agree to that either.
But, then, what do you do when the doctor diagnoses significant dementia? If that happens, you'll need to get a plan for her care. I'd start thinking about it now, just in case, that's what it is. It's unlikely she will believe the doctor and may not agree to any help. It can be a real struggle. So, unless you are her appointed HCPOA and Durable POA, I'd seek a consult with an Elder Law attorney to get information on your options and what you'll need in the way of evidence, if you have to take it to court for guardianship.
Many on this site support telling her a "therapeutic fib" as in, Medicare requires a check-up this year, or some such plausible story. Make sure someone goes with her to her doc and hands the staff a pre-written note requesting they perform a cognitive exam and check for a UTI. Docs are happy to do this as yours is a very common scenario.
Ultimately she needs to assign someone as her durable PoA and this needs to happen before her cognitive skills are too compromised for her to understand this legal arrangement. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
Consider call the EMTs if she becomes physical with any family member. Have her transported to the ER. It may be the only way to get her the medical care she needs right now.
Of course, ER care is just to check out acute conditions and stabilize them. She will the require follow up. Which she may refuse.
Consider calling APS to report her self-neglect. This is a way to cover yourselves so that you are not accused of denying her medical care.