My mom has been living with me for over 3 years, since Dad passed. In that time I’ve continually taken her to the beauty salon to get her hair washed and set or for haircuts or perms. She still has her condo which my son lives in and I would take her there a few times a month to do her own laundry, at her insistence.
She has been to neither since mid March. Her geriatric internist said she can resume the beauty shop in June, but not the condo since my son is in the healthcare field.
Mom has a beauty shop appointment the second weekend in June. I’m embarrassed taking her with filthy hair that hasn’t been washed since mid March. She is stubborn and childlike. Any ideas on how I can successfully address these matters? Thanks
Try one of the dry shampoos and see if that helps any between now and her appointment.
I would go through the closet and take all the clothes (change of season could be a reason) and wash what needs to be washed. Do this at night when she gets into her "jammies" so you can wash the clothes she is wearing that day. When you return the clothes to the closet return only 1 or 2 outfits. When she gets out of the pj's she will be getting into clean clothes. Every night replace the soiled clothes with clean, exactly where she left the soiled ones. (she does not even need to know you are doing this. I did this with my Husband, he would get into his pj's and fold the soiled clothes up and when he went to bed I replaced the dirty clothes with clean. When he took a shower I would open the bathroom door grab the pj's and underwear and they would get washed.)..never did understand the wearing of underwear with the pj's... No argument, no discussion I just did this. Luckily I never had a problem with him taking showers! He loved them!!
As far as a bath for her will she let you do a "massage" start with that and progress to using one of the no rinse foam soaps.
There is a lot of noise in the bathroom when a shower or water is running.
She also may be afraid of falling. Does she have to step into a tub to shower or is it a walk in shower? A bench seat might help. In the shower for my Husband I would buy "resale store walkers" ($4.00 each) and leave it in the shower so he would have something to hold onto even though we had grab bars the walker is what he was used to holding on to.
There is also a lot to remember when bathing she may not be able to sequence the steps so it is up to you to take the lead.
Your mother is ill and her dirty hair is one symptom of her illness. Having dirty hair when arriving at a salon for a wash is a very minor indignity, unlikely to really bother your mother much. It's really OK to have a few embarrassing moments with your parent as she suffers through dementia. In my own father's case, dementia brought on very vulgar language to every conversation which often made everyone present uncomfortable. It's not their fault or anything they have any real choice about. Ask yourself if you would be equally embarrassed if your mother was showing other signs of aging or illness like using a walker or portable oxygen? The first indignities are often the hardest to cope with emotionally as they force acknowledgement of something we already know intellectually about out parent's illness. I'm sorry you are reaching this difficult point in your mother's dementia journey and will pray for your comfort.