My dad pays me $1000.00 a month for his full time care. Is he paying me too much?

Your dad is getting quality care from you 40 hours a week-I am sure he is glad to have you there a familiar trusting face-. facility care would be more and can be distressing to residents with all the new faces, routine etc. agency care would not do all you are doing for your dad. do some digging if you want to.. to convince family you are worth it financially and emotionally to be there for your dad. My parents have home care at cost way more than what you receive. You could look up on job posting sites and compare what facility assitant/staff will make-some where near about $10 an hour in my area-the assistants are not doing all you have listed with driving, bill pay etc. my parents housekeeper gets $300 a week for one day of housekeeping a 2 bedroom ranch house. What I have witnessed at my parents house the caregivers are there 12 hours a day for the day shift but only do about 2 hours of work-giving pills, warm up a meal, empty catheter bag, and maybe on a good day give a shower to my dad. He has been injured due to falls where caregiver left the room etc. when not being expected or asked to do something they go lay down on the bed in the other room, to sleep, twiddle on their phones, rummage thru the drawers and closets. Your dad is very lucky indeed. I do about half of your to do list, bill pay and dr. appointments, mom now thinks I am going to help her clean closets, and do other busy work just for her. That's a big maybe as I have spent 40 hours digging thru their statements looking for their tax info in the last 2 weeks-they can not do this anymore and other family who were "helping" with the bill pay made a huge mess for me to sort out.

I had to file guardianship over my own husband. As I waited in court for my turn before the judge another case was before me for a caregiver, but this caregiver was less hands on and more financially responsible to see that care needs were met. During the accounting the lawyer read off each expense and the judge approved or questioned the expense. When it came to payment the lawyer read off, and I can't remember the exact amount this person was paying themselves monthly, but if I remember correctly the fee was over $2000 compensation for the caregiver. The Judge seems startled at the LOW amount they were receiving and left me with the impression the caregiver should get more but the Judge approved the fee.
When my turn came and I was granted guardianship the Judge called me to his desk and counseled me of what I could and could not spend my husband's money on. I couldn't even buy my own groceries with his money BUT he told me I could pay myself and keep financial records for my husband. I did and I payed myself a much lower fee than the other caregiver, 1200 a month. It felt odd to collect money from my husband for his care and actually a little guilty but if I had been working for an agency I would have made much more for the care I gave him . I had to file accounting every year and was never once questioned about it.
Your sister should sit down and do a little research about care costs.
You're worth it!

We had Visiting Angels to help my dad with cooking, bathing, cleaning, laundry plus physical care. They charged $25 an hour, minimum 2 hour increments for 6 hrs a day and that ran to $1200 a WEEK! Ask your sister to do the math, if you live with him and are on call 24/7 that’s $4200 a week.

If your sister would like to take care of your dad for $300/month, I would let her...

You are underpaid!!! Tell your sister to search what assisted living costs. Current minimum is $4600 per month!!! That is for basics, no medication management, no doctor visits or scheduling, etc. I take care of my in-laws because it was important to them to stay in their home. To make that possible, they pay me and my husband to take care of them and their home. My FIL is a veteran so we are able to get VA Aid and Attendance and this helps but even if he did not get this to help pay, he knows it is much better life than in a facility. The family is very happy with our services and that they do not have to do a thing!
We are on 14 months but we did not get paid first 8 months. It is what is important to your dad and if he is safe and happy!

ABSOLUTELY NOT TOO MUCH!!! Tell your sister to visit and stay 1 week to take over his care and do everything you do. My bet is it won't even take 1 week before she will quickly change her tune. When I moved my mom in with me, she offered to pay me "whatever I wanted" so she would not have to go to a home. At that time she still had all her faculties about her so after a family meeting with my other sibs, so they could offer to take her with the same deal (they didn't!!) I took her up on that. We did it as your father did...legal papers drawn up. Her money was put into a trust with me as the trustee. I use her money as I see fit for her care. I know that I "earn" every cent that I have been given. It only takes having to change ONE poop filled depends to affirm this!! Since my sibs have been present for more than one of those occasions, they see (and smell!!) that I earn it too. haha So tell sister dear to put up or shut up!!

I have been a caregiver since 2010 - self employed. I did all the same things. I was paid $10/hour and many weeks worked 130 to 144 hours. I was most of the time live-in and i had to be up all through the night with him. Tell them if they don't want him to pay you that much ( which is very little for what you do) then 1. They can come in and help or, 2. They can hire a company to come in and do it and see what they will charge. Some families are fortunate enough that all will share in the care, but in my experience there is one that it usually falls upon but the others want to say how it should be done. Hope this helps.

No, it is definitely not too much! We pay someone to come in as caregiver $2460 per month and she only stays three hours a day. Let’s make a sample scenario. If you were paid $15 per hour for 15 hours work per day for one month, that would be $6750. However, your Dad is getting quality care from a daughter who he knows and loves - that is priceless.

I don’t know if you are also getting room and board, but, even so, $1000 is a good amount. I hope his will takes into account how valuable you are.

I also hope this gives you something to tell your sister. She is way off base here.
best wishes

Hi there ,
I am so sorry that your sister thinks you are being over paid. I know how physically and emotionally exhausted you are. Honestly no money is enough for what you do. You do it out of love.....and you are under paid. Not everyone can do what you are doing . I am going through the same caring for both my mom and dad .....it is not easy . Try not to listen to your sisters remarks. Let her try it for a few days and she will understand . Your father is very blessed to have you. I pray for your continued strength and courage .

We just went through this with my mother and my cousins with my aunt and uncle. In Ohio for daytime custodial care for mom Monday through Friday only, it was $22/hour and we paid a little over $1,000 per 40 hours. The caregiver received only $12/ hour of that, which came to $480/ week. Had mom needed a nurse, it would have cost twice as much.

I SPLIT THE REST OF THE CARE with my brother as we both held full time jobs, and we were absolutely exhausted all of the time

My uncle needed 24 hour care seven days/ week.  There were three caregivers per day with some overlap between each. That cost approximately $15,840 per month in Atlanta. The caregivers split about $8,640/ month.

My two cousins SUPERVISED the caregivers and were exhausted and stressed all of the time.

The caregivers all had health insurance provided by the companies for which they worked.

How's that for context?

Hi, I agree with everyone, your sister has no concept as to what is involved in the daily care of an elderly parent. Also right now you are fortunate that your father can still walk and get around by himself and does not require bathroom assistance. It will become more difficult in the future and your work will increase to the point where you may need outside assistance. Please make sure your father will have funds to support your care and additional care going forward as apparently your sister will not help you. If she does not understand now..I do not think she will get any better. Stay strong; your father is very fortunate to have you as his caregiver. You are a good daughter!!

Find out what caregiving agency's charge in your area for the tasks you perform for the number of hours per week you are 'working/caring' for your father, for the tasks/care you provide (cleaning, shopping, cooking, showering, financial management, transportation to appointments, etc.) If an agency were to charge $20/hr (even if the caregiver only gets paid by them $10) for an 8 hr shift to cover his care 7 days/week, your father would need to pay $1,120/week.

Tell your sister you are actually underpaid, and if she wants the job, for $300 a month, she can have it.

Please do not let your sister intimidate you. He and a lawyer agreed to the amount. You are worth every penny. Having a family member who you know and trust is a blessing for an elderly person who wants to stay home. Our family paid my younger son to live with his 90 year old grandmother, and he did so for 3 years. He went to school, but was only gone a few hours a day. We both worked nearby and could check on her when our son was gone. He drove her to appointments, made breakfast and lunch,( I sent dinner each day.), shopped and/or took her shopping, tidied the house, ran errands, did laundry, made sure she got her complicated medications, etc. He was paid less than you, but it helped both him and grandma. I am nearly 75 now and would pay a good sum gladly to be able to stay home. I wish we'd paid my sister, who lived nearest mom, to look after our mother. She did everything too, but wasn't paid a dime. She became resentful and I think a fair salary would have helped. Don't feel guilty. You are a treasure for your father.

If your sister would do what you are doing 24/7. She would change her mind. I don’t get paid and I have no help with my mother who is 90 with the exception of my husband of six years. It is work ever penny your dad gives you.

I have a friend in a memory care apartment and as his POA, I pay all his monthly bills. The rent, meals, his drugs and monthly medical care there comes to around $9150 a month. $1,000 is very reasonable!

Imho, that is up to you and your father - whether he gives you $0 or $XX or caregiving. I took nothing from my mother because she was poor.

( I am a full-time Caregiver. My husband helps a lot.
Depending on what level of care is needed for the elder, please know that it is a responsibility involving many steps daily, everyday. 
You cannot compare it to childcare. It’s the same concept but different needs.

From what I have seen, there are 3 levels of elder care in facilities. 1. Independent living elder who wants to live in an assisted living facility, probably still drives or can make his/her own decision about transportation, goes on vacations, has a social life etc. They just don’t want to be concerned with the many aspects of living maintenance on a daily or monthly basis. 2. Memory Failure elder who can no longer remember how to do many necessary tasks and have been deemed by their doctor that they cannot live alone anymore. Example: can dress themselves, eat their own food and not be fed, correctly toileting alone without help, bathing at the sink and aware of maintaining their body, ambulatory but maybe need a walker, able to carry on conversations reasonably etc.  They cannot grocery shop, drive a car, remember to order their meds, take their meds daily, go to the doctor office alone, make any major decisions, pay bills, do laundry , and more. 3. Bed ridden elders who can no longer walk without help if at all, have to be fed, have to be bathed, have to be reminded to toilet and be taken to toilet, limited awareness of things going on around them, loss of hearing, loss of eyesight, teeth, holding a spoon brushing their own teeth and more.

I know I have missed some important points, but take what I have said into consideration. Make certain they have a trust put together ( maybe $1200.00 ) to be sure they are protected. Maybe a contract is enough, I don’t know. It depends on their assets. The sister/daughter may object to the amount of money the son/brother is getting because sometime we just don’t know all the facts about things in life and under-rate a life task….but know this….when you arrive at the point when you should/must change your lifestyle for you elder family member, don’t be quick to be s cheapskate. All of it….in-home care, temp services, Nursing homes, Senior assisted living facilities, doctors visits, legal fees….is a lot. I choose in-home care. And if you do hire help from the outside, trust is truly important on all levels. If you have a church, try to be at one with a couple of able seniors to help you out. It’s sometimes necessary to have respite care for a couple of weeks. 50 weeks in the year to be making sure another person is alright (so you can come and go as you need) is a long time and capable and trustworthy help is paramount.
The sister/daughter should be taught to think this through. She objects I think because she just doesn’t know anything about this.
I do not endorse the web sites listed below. I included them as examples for reading up on this issue. There is a whole world of information online.

ELDER PAYING FOR SENIOR CARE / 
https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/caregivers/dependent_care_tax_credit


Can I Get Paid to Be a Caregiver for a Family Member?
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/financial-legal/info-2017/you-can-get-paid-as-a-family-caregiver.html


Family Caregivers and Self-Employment Tax
https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/family-caregivers-and-self-employment-tax

We have an agreement drawn by an attorney and I had a little trouble at first myself. Trouble with acceptance, not with the amount. I carry my POA with me in case we run into confusion with anyone. My Mom is well cared for, medically supervised, cooked for and cleaned. She is 80, has many diseases all of which I look after. Of Mom’s 1600 a month she gives me 700. She pays for all her meds herself. If she lived in a facility they would take all but 50 of her money. To insure your siblings are on the same page, I would suggest a copy of the agreement be given to them. Right now it might be easy to care for your parent, but rest assured it might get challenging, ie; diaper changes, feeding, agitation over things that used to be simple tasks.
Good luck❤️

My mom pays $8,000 a month at the rehab center she is stuck in until she can move to a Memory Care place once family is allowed to visit. Plus she pays a total of $2,000 a week to the companions I hired to stay with her from 8am to 10pm each day so that she does not fall because she doesn't remember that she cannot support herself once she stands up. So if your dad chose to pay you $1000 a month to do everything for him, then he has made a really good deal. Your time, your gas, your knowledge, your physical labor and not even including the emotional cost of having to give your dad showers and watch him both mentally and physically gradually go away. I'm sorry that this may cause a divide between your sister and you, but if she is going to allow the difference of $700 a month from what she thinks (from the top of her head without research or she would know better) you should make come between the 2 of you then I'm guessing the divide was already there. Something else to consider, if you have not already, is to have him sign over durable power of attorney to you. There will come a time when he will not be able to comprehend something that needs his signature or approval, and you will have so many more issues at that time. And if you already have that, then you do not need to tell or explain anything to your sister, except that there was a reason your dad chose you to take care of him. Which is obvious by the contrast of care and the lack of care happening from his 2 daughters.

1000 is not so unreasonable, BUT if anything you are getting underpaid. Like others have suggested, the question itself makes me angry.

Ask you sister if she wants to do it for 300

I have had to hire help for my mother on occasion. This company charged $15.50 an hour. That is approx $2400.00 a month based on a 40 hour week. I would talk to a few companies in your area about their rates and let you sister know that information. She should be able to figure out how much less her inheritance would be if you were not doing this. Good luck.

The $1,000 is a very fair and reaSONABLE amount; not nearly enough for all you do , butreasonable. Also, your Dad willingly agreed to it. I am sure he knows he is getting a bargain and then some.Shame on your sister!Would she like to take over your responsblilities? Probably not!Just ignore her and be happy loving and comforting your dad.I do know I would not be a caregiver for any amount of money!I admire those who can do it. They should be at least somewhat fairly compensated.

Dear BrendaBP, when I read your question it literally made me sick to my stomach! There is absolutely no reason for you to think that $1000/month is adequate compensation for the 24/7 care you are providing for your fathers well being. I too was basically the sole caregiver for my 95 y.o. mother for the last 25 months of her life. She came to live in my home from a nursing home facility because I was tired of spending many hours a day there with her making sure her needs were being taken care of and I felt I could provide as good if not better care for her in my own home. My 4 siblings agreed to pay me (out of mom's savings) $100/day i.e. $4.17/hour. At first they would visit mom 1 or 2 times a week but as time went on their visits became almost non existent. My brothers & their wives would come every Sunday night to play cards with mom which she enjoyed. Still the care giving was my responsibility. I was fortunate to have a friend and her daughter help care for mom when I needed time off to go to my childrens activities, grocery shopping, etc. We paid them up to $15/hr. As mom's physical/mental condition deteriorated I helped her more and more with her daily needs. Don't get me wrong, the last months of mom's life were the most beautiful, fulfilling months that my kids and I had with her and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world! However they were also the most mentally/physically draining times of my life. So, I suggest you, your father if possible and your sister re visit the lawyer and let her hear first hand what a much more feasible monetary arrangement would be for you! I never made a care giving contract with a lawyer, so you and your father deserve to be applauded for that foresight. NOW it is up to you to make arrangements for your future well being as far as your financial needs are concerned. The care giving you provide will only grow more and more as time goes on and you deserve to know that your dad should really appreciate the care you give and therefore be willing to compensate you sufficiently. May God bless you for the sacrifices you have made and continue to guide you in caring for your father. Your father is a very lucky man!

We have 24-hour-a-day care for my mom in her home. We're paying $20/hr (it's an expensive area), which comes to $14,400/month. Just saying. $1000/month sounds incredibly cheap.

Well, I don’t understand where she gets her figure from, a $10/hr caregiver or what the minimum wage is in your state(unless you have an RN license, PA, NP etc), for 40hrs a week and since he can do things for himself...let’s cut the figure in half and it still amounts to $800/month. That seems like a fair amount?

No. If you had to hire a caregiver they would charge $15.00 per hour. If you are a full time caregiver $1,000 is not enough money. When I lost my job due to the company moving across the US, several years ago my brother offered me $3,000 per month to take care of our mother 24/7. I turned him down because I lived out of state (about 700 miles) and my family was there and I didn't want to leave them. When we put my mother into a memory care center they charge $6,000 per mo., so $1,000 per mo., is ok, but you probably deserve more.

im sitting here with my 92 yr old dad that I drive 2 hrs each way to come hang out weekly, do chores n yard work and have him kick my butt in crib. mom is in memory care for many thousands of dollars. he is very capable of chilling but its boring for sure with the covid especially. . don't let your sister question your dedication. enjoy what you have with your dad. check into medicade so you do things monetarily correct for when you aren't able to care for him. those are the people that will take all your money n house and such. as for your sister and her motivation....you see by the responses the truth...in fact don't even let your sister take of him because im sure he would hate it, keep doing the best you can and cover your ass from the system. I created an account just to respond here. the other person who ran the math at 33$ a day? divide that by 24 hrs and you get less than 2 bucks an hour.

Just so everyone knows. Her profile states that dad lives in her home.

In case someone hasn't said it, I recommend you speak with an elder attorney. Have them write up a contract for the work you do to care for your dad. I am happy to see that you had a contract for your work drawn up by a lawyer. Your sister could be eyeing your dad's money as hers in the future. A contract will protect you from her. Ignore her accusations and know that if you were to hire a health aide to come into the home, it would cost $25 to $30 an hour. Ten hours a week would cost more than what you are being paid. In 2014, my dad needed 24/7 care and that cost $2100 a week. Also, assume that she won't help. Be prepared for when your dad may need more help than you can give. At first, supplementing your work with an at home service will work. Keep all bills for that. In fact, keep good records of all expenses paid. Plan ahead for the possibility that your dad will need a different form of care.