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I have had dad who is 87 in AL for almost 12 months and he still won't pull the cord for help from the nurses. He calls us all hours of the morning and sometimes it's like 15x a day. He also get insulin and they wrote down the times that he gets it and he goes down there at least 1.5 hours early and when the last one comes he calls us right after he eats dinner and asks when do I get the last one? We got him a digital watch because he was having a hard time reading a regular watch. If we don't answer the mobile phone he will then call the house phone.

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pargirl your advice is sound and it is a little confusing as people jump around talking about when their elder LO living at home and AL but based on the original post it's my impression her dad is currently in AL so she obviously has been doing some planning and has awareness of increasing needs. I think she is trying to keep him in AL rather than SN and assuming that is because he doesn't need SN when it comes to the majority of those markers. Actually part of the issue here sounds to be that he is too focused on getting his medication properly and my guess is this may be a newer situation so there is that adjustment going on for both the OP and dad that so many people here have experienced and describe. I may have it confused with another post as well, I didn't take the time to completely review the details prior to writing this particular response the way I usually try to. In fact I only say all of this because I worry that when posters, especially newer ones, feel misunderstood here they might stop reading, asking and participating. It took me a while anyway, reading through and following this Forum to understand they sometimes take little side conversations that can then be confused or clumped together with the original that people then respond to. So some questions/threads will get responses directed at the OP that are based on the wrong facts, no one should take them personally or let them chase you away or stop asking questions and reaching out for help. Yes we also get some trolls or people who are having a bad day (or month) and need to take out their frustrations once in a while but predominately this forum is filled with people who care, are well meaning and are going through the same thing, full of love and support. Like you
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Cheerio......my dad tells me and everyone else how much he appreciates me and all my help, that he couldn't do without my help. I want him to be as independent as can be for as long as he can be for 95. However I also know that he IS 95 and know that he needs more help than living on his own. He will be released from rehab next Friday or Saturday and will probably go to assisted living. We don't want to see our parents get old but it's a fact as it will be for us too someday. The phone calls might even get more frequent or even less and that will make you worry more. My opinion is that he needs more care if he is living at home (or even in assisted living if he gets confused on his medications). You want them to be around others (more eyes watching). If he's depending on you to take care of things and him, that's not fair to you unless he's not able to afford but even then there are things that can be put into p!ace to help with that. I doubt our parents ever wanted to be a burden nor do I want to be a burden on my son. My dad feels so bad when I have had to take care of him and miss a dinner, vacation, church, or even Christmas this year due to his illnesses or hospital stays. For your own stress level or so that you aren't worrying when he doesn't answer the phone, please start now in making plans for his near future needs. It IS coming so be as prepared as possible. God Bless
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I want to thank everyone for there advise on my dad. When I go and see him, he is thanking me for coming and taking care of him. He said that he wouldn't be able to do this if it wasn't for me. There are some nights that he doesn't call and then I worry is he ok. You get use to him calling at a certain time. You see mom died back in 2009 of a split Aurota and then she had a heart attack. This was really hard on both of us, dad lived in the house by himself since then. He was in the hospital many times for all different things. I worry about him all the time. Thank you again for your understanding I am glad that I can come here a vent when I need to.
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This may sound harsh, but you could place a block on your home phone and turn the ringer off on your mobile phone. Otherwise, this cycle of him calling you will continue and you won't get any sleep. Also notify the AL that he needs his insulin.
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I'm reading the OP a little differently and perhaps I'm wrong but I thought I understood that the staff does come in at the proper time and give him his insulin and have started writing it down for him (so leaving it somewhere for him) with the time so he can refer to that in an effort to help his anxiety about getting it on time or thinking he hasn't gotten it. Yet he is still going down to check about his shot and or calling. Based on experience Cheerio I agree with the others, he is calling you because it's what he's used to and comfortable with. I know it can become annoying but it's also a testament to your relationship and his willingness to be reliant on you, trust you when he's feeling most vulnerable. A couple of thoughts on his reluctance to "pull the call cord", very probably an inability to learn this is a part of the problem and I think for many it makes sense this is something they just can't learn. Just thinking about myself in the hospital, pushing the call button or pulling the call cord is something I would avoid at all costs. First to me the staff is busy with much more important things then pretty much anything I need and I consider that to be for emergencies. So if I started feeling intense pain or difficulty breathing, something seemed to be going wrong medically, then I would push the button or pull the cord but if I wanted water and couldn't reach it or even had to pee I would wait until someone came in, at least as long as I could. Using that call button doesn't come naturally it's something I consider and try not to do so I can imagine as I get older and my mind continues to wander that might be one of those things I will ave a hard time learning to do. The other piece of course is even though it might not be smart because I just had surgery (example) or whatever I'm apt to be stubborn and feel I can do that myself or should be able to do that myself so asking someone else to for me is tough. I'm not explaining that well and there are people who are opposite, my grandmother was one, who love being waited on and will over use the call button. I imagine you will see your father in one of these personalities. I know this doesn't offer ideas to solve the problem but maybe looking at it from various perspectives will help you come up with ideas?
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I agree that you need not answer all the phone calls. When mother was at her worst, I let them go to voicemail and checked later to see if there were any real issues. He probably doesn't remember that he has made that many calls. Mother used to forget, and what was a pressing issue for her when she called was soon forgotten.
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Perhaps the times for in insulin aren't written down so he will ask for it; perhaps it was an effort to let him know that it would be brought to him at a certain time and he didn't need to worry about it.
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I know it's hard to have the phone ringing off the hook at all times of the day...but as pargirl said, you are his lifeline. I just turn off the ringer or let it go to voicemail. My mom either calls back or forgets that she even called to begin with. I sympathize with you and hope things settle down for you.
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Cheerio, is it possible that the AL has the ability to put a phone in his room similar to that in hotels so when he "calls" he gets the nurses station? My dad is in a small AL and refuses to wear or use the emergency button. I know that people get to the stage of being unable to learn, remember or process new things and I am sorry for your dad and you. I have to say God Bless You as obviously you have been good to him and helped him tremendously, that's why he calls you. But check to see about the phone, maybe you could have it rigged to be the emergency call button. I just wouldn't cut his communications off, what if it was a real emergency.
Let us know how it works out.

DianaHollis, I would talk to her pain doctor and get those meds on a schedule, the roller coaster of pain can cause a whole host of unpleasant side effects for dear mom.
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This problem is similar to one we’re having with my mom. We thought she might be too timid to ask for her pain pill but it’s probably that she can’t remember that she had a pill at all so doesn’t know when or if to ask for another one when her pain returns. I’m needing to talk to someone at the AL or mom’s pain management doc.
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My 95 yr old dad doesn't have dementia and he STILL doesn't remember to pull the cord! He's been in the hospital and now skilled nursing for 5 weeks due to passing out in the bathroom and horrible skin tear that wouldn't quit bleeding due to blood thinner. Cord was within reach but came to and called me at 5am. I asked why he didn't pull cord and he said well.... I just forgot. He hasn't needed to use it in 8 years except a few times (which seems to ALWAYS be in the middle of the night!) So he calls me. I agree with the other posts, sounds like your dad needs more help than AL. At my mom's alz/dementia facility they had a phone at the desk that that didn't work. So when patients would come up and say they needed to call their whoever they could "try" and use it. When they couldn't get through staff would say Ohhh, we've been having trouble with it and we have called the phone co. to see about it. That would placate them and they would walk off and come back at some point...... maybe. It's a common problem with dementia patients. YOU are their lifeline and the person they talk to every......s i n g l e......d a y.......1 5 .......t I m e s. As mentioned before either give him a phone that doesn't work or he needs more help where he will have more interaction with people and staff that knows how to redirect him AND has more time to. Their are more aids at memory care facilities than at just AL at least that's how it is at my dad's. It's a hard choice but sounds like one that needs to be made. Good luck and God Bless
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In my dad's AL the meds come to the patient. I think it’s time to either conference with the director or the head of nursing and have it placed in his care plan for them to come to him to administer the insulin. With the phone, you need to make tough decisions. If you aren’t going to move him to memory care, then you either need to to not answer the phone and let it go to voicemail more often or take the phone out. Sadly they can’t remember they’re calling you all the time and at all hours. Usually it’s about something the facility can take care of.
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If my Mom was constantly calling me...I would take the phone away.
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In Moms AL if patient didn't come to them they went to patient. It just maybe he is going to the nurses station on his own.
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There was a time, (in my lifetime I believe), that the nurse found the patient and administered the medication.

So they wrote down the times he gets his meds.....what was that supposed to accomplish?
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Oh Lordy!

Your poor poppa - it isn't that he won't follow the right instructions for getting help, it's that he can't. The frustration for caregivers before this key point really sinks in is beyond a joke, and please don't think I don't totally sympathise. But even though you have made it easy for him, even though the cord is visible and within reach and everybody tells him every single time what to do, he *cannot* learn this process. Not won't. Can't. It's a new chain of thought, and his brain can't handle it - so he reverts every time to the chain he already knows, and calls you.

The ALF will keep him safe and well cared for, including making sure he gets the right insulin doses. So the only real answer to the remaining problem, that he constantly calls you for help, is to turn off your mobiles and change your landline number.

Sorry.
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Maybe time to check into a memory care facility. Dad was in one with a very nice private room, but he spent most of his time in the common room (just beautiful). When he was in his room, there were frequent checks, with checks through the night as well.
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