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If we get her up she sleeps on the sofa. She is in diapers so we have to put her back in the bed to change her. Anyone been here? Hard decisions to make. Down in my back and shoulder from lifting her.

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I think it is beneficial for her to get up if at all possible and to maintain a routine of dressing, eating, toileting (or incontinence care) and medications, but your needs must be taken into consideration too. I very quickly hit burn out once my mom reached this stage and sent her to a nursing home for a respite stay that became permanent, so I never experienced the ins an outs of caring for someone totally bed bound. My mom lasted another two years in the NH and although I found much to complain about I know that I could have never cared for her for such an extended period of time nearly as well as she was cared for there.

Just to add on the practical side of things - have you had an OT go through your home and routines to see what king of accommodations and devices may make your life easier (and safer)?
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It is better for her if you keep her routine as normal for her as possible. If you leave her in bed all day she may deteriorate very rapidly. It's a difficult balance to strike, but essentially you want to maintain "normal" activities of daily living unless it crosses the line into forcing her to do something that is clearly distressing or uncomfortable for her. For example, if she doesn't want to get up first thing, that's fine, but try again later. Or if she's slumped in an awkward position on the sofa, reposition her or let her lie down flat on her bed for an hour or two. Is she able to walk with assistance?

It sounds as though you would benefit from advice on lifting and handling techniques, and perhaps some equipment - haven't these been offered? Who's in charge of her healthcare - her PCP, a hospice service?
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Your mom has a lot going on.
I have to ask is Hospice involved? If not you might want them to evaluate her and get her on Hospice.
Sleeping a lot is common towards the end of life there is a lot the body has to do to keep it going and that takes energy and that can be tiring. (By a lot to do I mean, breathing, beating the heart, digesting food, fighting infections, thinking and on and on.)
There is also a great "pamphlet" that I read on line called Crossing the Creek and it says in there that sleep is a time when the mind can process and resolve issues from the past that have been bothering them. A lot can be done during sleep because time is compressed. I sort of love that explanation/description of what is going on.
What is important is that you change her position at least every hour or two so she is less likely to develop pressure sores. Cushion "bony" areas the ankles, knees, hips, shoulder, elbow. By the time I was done with my Husband it looked like he was in a nest of pillows. But he was comfortable!
I would think sleeping in bed would be more comfortable than the couch. If she has a wheelchair that reclines a bit that would be a good choice. Just changing the angle of the recline will readjust her position so you don't have to move her a lot.
To help move, transfer her are you using a Gait Belt, a Sit to Stand or a Hoyer? any of these would be easier than trying to lift her using just your arms.
And please, if you have not seen them, watch a few YouTube videos on transferring someone using proper "body mechanics" Trust me this will save your back.
As far as the equipment goes you could get your (her) doctor to write an order and rental would probably be covered by Medicare but you can get the same equipment if she is on Hospice and they will make all the calls and order what is appropriate. If she is not on Hospice you might want to call. You will get a lot in the way of supplies, equipment and other help.
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