She lives by herself and refuses to go to a memory care facility. She thinks my father is still alive even though he died 7 years ago, she is incontinent and won't change her clothes so she always smells like urine, she can't comprehend most things I say to her, she refuses to let a caregiver in to her house. My sister and I are at our wits end with this. My other sister and brother do nothing. They have blinders on and don't help. I was told I needed to have a Guardianship in order to get my mother in to a memory care facility. It will cost up to $10,000 which I don't have. Does anyone know if her neurologist can deem her unfit to be at home by herself so that we can get her the fulltime care she needs? She has an appointment with him in two weeks.
The money that is paid to the Elder Law Attorney is charged to your mom not to you so any expenses would come out of her account. If she can not afford it, if you can not afford it it might be worth looking into having a Court Appointed Guardian take over. There are "problems" with that you would have little say in what her care would be or if she is placed in a facility where that placement would be. It could be anywhere in the state.
Look into application for Medicaid if that will be necessary.
If your dad was a Veteran look into the possibility that your mom might qualify for some services depending on where and when your dad served.
In your place, I would get in touch with these people -
http://www.albanycounty.com/Government/Departments/DepartmentofSocialServices/ProgramsandServices/AdultServices.aspx -
- and ask their advice. In one way your mother doesn't meet their criteria for help because she DOES have family who are willing and able to assist her with a care plan; but in another way, of more immediate importance, your mother does meet their criteria because she, the only person who is officially in charge of her decisions, can't take care of herself. She is, so to speak, a victim of neglect; only in her case it's self-neglect. And because your hands are tied without a formal declaration of incompetence, you can't intervene.
So, have no fear - give them a call and ask what you should do and whether they can help. For example, a report from them would reinforce the neurologist's opinion should you have a battle on your hands over long term care. Best of luck, please let us know how you get on.