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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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We try it, but all she did was complain,night and day.. am now in a deep depression, thoughs of killing myself. I ask her to please stop but she doesn’t.. I don’t what to do.. help
Hi Semper, Caregiving is a long difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide for you. Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255
So Mother wants to come & live with you - well she can WANT that.. but that does NOT mean it will or should happen.
It's OK to say no.
"No you can't come live with me."
Practice saying it. Over & over to yourself first. Then to her. It may feel awful to start, but it will get easier.
1. When she asks (or demands), say No, you can't. 2. If she keeps asking, warn her you are DONE talking about that. 3. Offer her a suggestion on who to call if she can't cope (like her Doctor). 4. If she still keeps on about it, tell her you have to end the call or visit now & hang up or leave.
Please consider calling lifeline or another appropriate helpline or your Doctor for a chat if you are feeling so down & overwhelmed by this. The pressure of this situation must be awful & it would be good to get more support for yourself.
Where is your Mother now? In assisted living or her own house?
If you are severely depressed and experiencing suicidal thoughts it would be good idea to seek psychiatric help for yourself.
Your profile claims that your mom is in assisted living. She is being cared for. Is there a social worker that your mom can speak with? Clergy? Anyone at the facility? A psychiatrist?
Take a break. Don’t answer your phone. Speak to a professional therapist to help you find a healthy balance in your life.
Be honest with your feelings. Listen to suggestions. Move forward in your life.
You cannot change your mom’s behavior. Accept who she is. Focus on yourself.
Semper you need first to say NO very clearly. Many people say that their parent doesn’t think they mean it. You have to be very very firm. NO. NEVER.
Next, if she keeps ringing and ringing, you need to block her number on your phone. You can ring her, she can’t ring you. You can say that your phone isn’t working right. Or alternatively make the phone send her call to message bank. You can read if there is anything really wrong, or if it’s just more of the same. And you can ring her to check.
You can talk to her about other options, Alternative Living. Get videos to show how nice it can be.
Tell her how bad this is making you feel. If she comes to where you live, make sure she doesn’t have a key to get in. If there is no other way to stop it, follow sjplegacy’s advice and get the law involved.
YOUR LIFE IS AS IMPORTANT AS HERS. DO NOT RISK YOUR LIFE.
You can deal with this. You are under no obligation and have no responsibilty to take her in. I would get the law involved. You can file harrasement charges on her and request a restraining order to prevent her from contacting you. Call your county courts to start this. These are drastic steps that I think you need to take. Also, please make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your depression. You may want to see a psychologist initially instead of your PCP. If you have a church affiliation, ask to meet with the pastor. You can choose to not let this bother you and take the necessary steps to prevent it. Your mother is 64 so you must be quite young. This is not what life has planned for you. Gather the courage and take charge of your life.
Simply tell her that you are sorry, but, no, that won't work for you. That is it. Basically you have to have the courage to advocate for your own LIFE. You only get ONE life, so far as I know. You have a right to live it in peace and happiness. Tell your Mom you will support her needs as well as you are able, but that she cannot live with you. I am so sorry. There is no way this can be done without pain. Not everything can be made perfect. Not everything can be fixed. You are not a Saint. You are a human being, and you have limitations. You sound so very desperate. I hope you have good support from friends and family.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Caregiving is a long difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site.
However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide for you.
Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Call 1-800-273-8255
It's OK to say no.
"No you can't come live with me."
Practice saying it. Over & over to yourself first. Then to her. It may feel awful to start, but it will get easier.
1. When she asks (or demands), say No, you can't.
2. If she keeps asking, warn her you are DONE talking about that.
3. Offer her a suggestion on who to call if she can't cope (like her Doctor).
4. If she still keeps on about it, tell her you have to end the call or visit now & hang up or leave.
Please consider calling lifeline or another appropriate helpline or your Doctor for a chat if you are feeling so down & overwhelmed by this. The pressure of this situation must be awful & it would be good to get more support for yourself.
Where is your Mother now? In assisted living or her own house?
Your profile claims that your mom is in assisted living. She is being cared for. Is there a social worker that your mom can speak with? Clergy? Anyone at the facility? A psychiatrist?
Take a break. Don’t answer your phone. Speak to a professional therapist to help you find a healthy balance in your life.
Be honest with your feelings. Listen to suggestions. Move forward in your life.
You cannot change your mom’s behavior. Accept who she is. Focus on yourself.
Best wishes to you.
Next, if she keeps ringing and ringing, you need to block her number on your phone. You can ring her, she can’t ring you. You can say that your phone isn’t working right. Or alternatively make the phone send her call to message bank. You can read if there is anything really wrong, or if it’s just more of the same. And you can ring her to check.
You can talk to her about other options, Alternative Living. Get videos to show how nice it can be.
Tell her how bad this is making you feel. If she comes to where you live, make sure she doesn’t have a key to get in. If there is no other way to stop it, follow sjplegacy’s advice and get the law involved.
YOUR LIFE IS AS IMPORTANT AS HERS. DO NOT RISK YOUR LIFE.
Tell your Mom you will support her needs as well as you are able, but that she cannot live with you. I am so sorry. There is no way this can be done without pain. Not everything can be made perfect. Not everything can be fixed. You are not a Saint. You are a human being, and you have limitations. You sound so very desperate. I hope you have good support from friends and family.