My mother and I bought a house together in N.J., she's been living here for 8 yrs. Back in Oct, 2023, she went with my niece to L.I.N.Y., ended up needing surgery on a toe, then rehab. Afterwards my niece took medical and financial POA and put my mother in nursing home. My mother wants to come home and we want her home. She was well cared for and happy. She does not have dementia or Alzheimer's.
What can we do? My mother has made it very clear she does not want to stay there and wants to come home.
”doesn’t not”
I think you meant “doesn’t”.
The law is simple: if she doesn’t have dementia, she’s free to leave the nursing home. If she does have dementia, you and her have no power to decide, because your niece has POA. You can go to court (expensive) and try to fight for guardianship, try to take away niece’s POA.
Your mother can now rescind those POAs and give them to you.
She needs to call a lawyer to get the ball rolling.
As others have said - a person does not have to have dementia or ALZ in order to need a nursing home. While my FIL DID have dementia/ALZ - that was NOT the reason he went into a nursing home. He went because his PHYSICAL care was more than we could continue to manage in his home. PHYSICALLY he was unable to stay in his home. A nursing home had all of the requirements he needed. The dementia diagnosis in the SNF was secondary.
Are you certain that there are not other reasons why your mother needs to be in a SNF? Have you spent considerable time with her at the nursing home to see what her daily needs are?
You should also know that if your Mom does have dementia, "sundowning" is a thing that can happen: the person's behavior worsens later in the day and they often will fret or even panic about going "home" but the home they are referring to is usually their childhood home, not their most recent one. My Aunt with dementia wanted to "go home" every afternoon, even though she was sitting in the home she occupied since 1975. And if your Mom has memory impairment, which often somes along with dementia, she may not remember granting PoA to her niece.
It is strange that the niece would agree to be PoA knowing your Mom was already living with you for 8 years. If your Mom has capacity she can create a new PoA and assign you instead. Not sure a NH would keep your Mom if it was apparent she didn't have dementia or memory or other impairment. It's also strange that, even if she was in the NH because she needed more care than the niece could provide, that she wouldn't have contacted you to come get her and care for her.
What kind of "toe surgery" requires a stint in rehab? My Mom had some in her 90s and never needed to go to rehab. I agree, I think there's info missing from this story.
Maybe amputation of toes would require rehab? But surely not inpatient rehab for an extended period. Hmmm.....
Technically if she does not have dementia she does not need a POA and can sign herself out of a Skilled Nursing facility. Now if she is in Memory Care and not a "nursing home" then she can not sign herself out as she, at some point has been declared incompetent.
I would think as "next of kin" you would have more to say than a niece.
You might want to consult an Elder Care Attorney.
NJ is close to LI.....how is it she went to stay with your niece and all these things transpired over the course of 7 months without your involvement or consent???
And why would the mother not come home to her house she co-owns in NJ after rehab . What reason does she need a nursing home ? Why did she go with the niece last year to begin with ? There are puzzle pieces missing to this story .
I too, though, think there is more to this story. Its very hard to get someone into Long-term care. There is criteria that has to be met. One being the person needs to be 24/7 care.
That is to say, the principal assigns someone to be the POA.
If your mother is, as you say, competent and without dementia, then she can change her POA any day she wishes to.
Nursing homes are not prisons. People who are not suffering from dementia are not pulled off the streets and trapped in a nursing home pleading to leave.
There is, I think, perhaps some few things missing from the understanding of all of this. But the long and short of it is a question of competency.
A) A POA acts only upon the request of the assigning competent principal
B) The competent principal can change her POA any time she wishes to do so.
C) Attorney's will visit a Principal in nursing home and assess for competency in changing her POA.
Good luck.
Yes, nursing homes are very similar to prisons. When a person is locked in somewhere and deprived of their liberty to come and go as they please, that is the very definition of prison.
Sadly, nursing homes and memory care facilities are unfortunate necessities for many people. When people have dementia they have to be in a locked, secured, controlled environment. Most memory care facilities that aren't high end places are very similar to prison. Most places stink and are filthy. The food is disgusting. You usually have a "celly" or "roommate" because most people don't have private rooms in a nursing home/memory care. Most inmates don't have their own cell either. The activities are cheesy in both and neither place has good cable tv.
They are very similar to each other. You don't have to wear a uniform in a nursing home/memory care. Prisoners do.
If your mother is still mentally competent and there has not been any diagnosis of dementia then she can still legally make her own decisions. If I were you, I'd get her to a doctor for dementia testing then go from there. One step at a time.
Keep in mind that if your mother is in a nursing home, your neice (the POA) is not benefitting financially from this. The nursing home is taking all of your mother's money and assets. Talk to your niece and ask her why she had your mother placed. Open a line of communication and see what she has to say before you do anything.
If she is of sound mind and can make her own decisions, can you elaborate on the problems you're facing?
We don't know what your mother has told niece about her treatment at your home. We don't know why your mom, if she needed surgery and rehab, didn't come "home" to her home with you before she had the surgery. LI and NJ aren't so far apart that the surgery couldn't have been done in NJ. If I were visiting a relative and needed surgery, I wouldn't have the surgery in their town. I'd go home.
We don't know if she's telling niece one thing and you another.
How do you know mom doesn't have dementia? It certainly seems as if she might. You'd better visit her and reassess the issues.
If not competent - you probably need to get lawyer involved. Was a lawyer involved in writing the POA your mom gave to your niece (and presumably through proper process?).
The lawyer can look through the details of the POA contract. Sometimes the contract may say things like " I would prefer to live in my own home or a home like setting for as long as possible, a facility is a last resort ". somthing like that. The lawyer can then advise on whats possible.
I would want to see that POA. If done from the internet, it still needs witnesses and a notary. Why did niece not call you so you could come get Mom.
How is Mom's mobility? Able to walk on her own, up & down steps, bathe herself?
Was Mom financially contributing to the house you bought together?
Now that Mom's living & financial situation has changed, you may need financial advice for yourself.
The other recurring answer is, "Why doesn't she just leave?"
I find it odd that the OP, Donna1050, has made no further comments.
I don't have anything more to add. Everyone has already said it:
Just bring her home, and have her rescind the niece's POA. (if that is what she wants)
I'm wondering if the niece, or the niece's mom, is threatening or emotionally blackmailing the mom to gain control of her money, and mom is afraid to stand up to them. People can become bad actors when there's money involved.
Or the niece was being practical..?
After the Aunt's hospital stay, Niece was informed of her medical situation & arranged the necessary care.
The OP said she *wants* her Mother to come home & that her Mother also *wants* to come home.
This could be an emotion issue, not a practical one at all. No information given as to whether Mother is actually ABLE to return home or not.
That was my takeaway anyway.
No practicalities needed. Home.
Let's just ask a unicorn to pick Mom up. A flying one like in the Adventure Time cartoons. Mom can ride on home & be happy ever after 🦄🌈🪄😜
If she can’t do 3 ADLs or has cognitive deficiencies, and is on Medicaid, you should probably get your own legal advice about any claim you have to her share of your joint home. A child who provided care that kept her out a nursing home she otherwise qualified for may qualify for an exemption from any Medicaid clawback.
A POA who did the work to secure Medicaid placement is unlikely to risk having to repeat that work if returning to home doesn’t work out. Can you put together a realistic plan to address Mom’s current needs as the POA sincerely has categorized them? Include contingencies for a return to skilled nursing and how you can have work delegated to you.
The lack of detail that you provide can lead to speculation. E.g., worsening diabetes leads to partial foot amputation, hospital delirium, wheelchair dependence, and aggravated cognitive deficiencies. So it is too believable that skilled nursing may be needed.