Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Maybe you could accept that you are not your sister's chosen POA, confidant, or next-of-kin, especially if she is your sister-in-law, or a sister close to your own age.
People in general choose those close to them who are younger and more able to provide caregiving and advice. It is not that ages over 70 are that old. The person you choose to give concern and care for must choose you.
Starting out with intentions to go behind her back to talk to her doctor does not lend itself to gaining her trust.
Stand by, back off a bit, be there for her when and if it becomes an unsafe circumstance.
Have you discussed your worries with your sister (in-law)? Not 'I think you have some signs of dementia' of course, but a softer "I"ve noticed ..... this is a bit different for you so I was a little concerned. Is there anything you need help with?"
Kind of like an R U OK day check in?
I do think get a medical checkup can be a good idea in many cases, especially to rule other things out. But you could park that idea further down the road.
For now, listen to your SIL & ask questions. There may be ways to help that come from that.
Eg I just can't be bothered to cook these days.. may open the way to discussing & researching some meal delivery options.
You mention in your profile that it is your Sister In Law that is showing signs of dementia. Yet in your question it is your sister you are asking about. If it is your SIL that you are concerned about then it should be her husband that you can talk to. If your brother is no longer in the picture either through death or divorce you do not have much to say in the matter. You can bring the matter up but if she refuses to talk to you that is as far as you can and should go. If she has any siblings or children you could talk to them. If it is your sister you can calmly bring up the subject but if she is resistant to discussing it you have to let it go. That all said if either of these people have POA's that have been appointed and you know who they are you could bring the concern up to the POA but again once you bring up the subject leave it alone. All that above said..if you are concerned for their safety and no one is taking care of them you can report to APS your concern that there is a "vulnerable" senior. Now you do mention that your SIL is living in Assisted Living if this is the case if there are concerns there is the possibility that the director of the facility has brought this up to your SIL and or her family. Due to HIPAA regulations unless you are listed as a person that can get information it is not legal for anyone to discuss any medical condition with you.
Leave sister alone and stay out of the way. You can't do anything for her if she won't let you. And if she won't let you, consider yourself lucky.
Taking on the care of someone with dementia is life-changing and difficult. Surely she has someone listed as POA, MPOA or next-of-kin at her doctor's office. If there's something you need to know, you'll hear from them.
You could say ' I would Like to go to the doctors with you and become your Health care Proxy in case anything Happens to you Because I am concerned for your safety . " Its best to get to a doctor before a ER Visit . People dont Pick up On the dementia till Falls Happen .
If you are neither her PoA nor Medical Representative, you have no legal power to get/give info to her doctor.
You can try a therapeutic fib, telling her that Medicare pays for a free annual check-up (by a certain date). You can tell that you'll make an appointment for her as well as yourself, or offer to drive her to her appointment. If you can get this far with her, then go with a pre-written note that you will discretely hand to the check-in persono, nurse or doctor. It should explain who you are and that your sister is showing signs of cognitive/memory prroblems. Request a cognitive exam and test for UTI. The staff is happy to accommodate this -- it won't be their first time playing along.
Before leaving the appoinitment make sure to ask for the Medical Representative form (a HIPAA form). Have your sister tto write in your name and then she signs it and gives it back to the check-in rep. Then you can converse with this specific doctor without your sister needing to be present.
If your sister is getting resistant to things in general, don't fight her. Make a gentle case as to why it's important to have a PoA or MR. Tell her you have one yourself (and hopefully this is true). "What if you had a medical emergency and couldn't speak because you became unconscious?" Give her examples like this. It may or may not work.
How would you respond if even a close family member asked for your doctor's telephone number?
And then either you've told her why - "'cos you're losing your marbles, love" - which actually kind of makes it *worse.* (Or you've lied to her, which is worse again.)
Or you haven't told her why, in which case why on earth would she?
I'm also not quite sure what you want to speak to the doctor about, but in any case as to what you should do - it depends what's happening, but there are lots of options. What are your concerns about your sister?
I had an aquaintance that refused to share her hairdresser's name and phone number. Her color was amazing! Many years later, I did ask again. She confided that he made her promise never to tell who did her hair because she would style it like in high school, and add bows in her hair, and at her age!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
or next-of-kin, especially if she is your sister-in-law, or a sister close to your own age.
People in general choose those close to them who are younger and more able to provide caregiving and advice. It is not that ages over 70 are that old.
The person you choose to give concern and care for must choose you.
Starting out with intentions to go behind her back to talk to her doctor does not lend itself to gaining her trust.
Stand by, back off a bit, be there for her when and if it becomes an unsafe circumstance.
Until then, do nothing.
Kind of like an R U OK day check in?
I do think get a medical checkup can be a good idea in many cases, especially to rule other things out. But you could park that idea further down the road.
For now, listen to your SIL & ask questions. There may be ways to help that come from that.
Eg I just can't be bothered to cook these days.. may open the way to discussing & researching some meal delivery options.
If it is your SIL that you are concerned about then it should be her husband that you can talk to. If your brother is no longer in the picture either through death or divorce you do not have much to say in the matter. You can bring the matter up but if she refuses to talk to you that is as far as you can and should go. If she has any siblings or children you could talk to them.
If it is your sister you can calmly bring up the subject but if she is resistant to discussing it you have to let it go.
That all said if either of these people have POA's that have been appointed and you know who they are you could bring the concern up to the POA but again once you bring up the subject leave it alone.
All that above said..if you are concerned for their safety and no one is taking care of them you can report to APS your concern that there is a "vulnerable" senior.
Now you do mention that your SIL is living in Assisted Living if this is the case if there are concerns there is the possibility that the director of the facility has brought this up to your SIL and or her family.
Due to HIPAA regulations unless you are listed as a person that can get information it is not legal for anyone to discuss any medical condition with you.
Taking on the care of someone with dementia is life-changing and difficult. Surely she has someone listed as POA, MPOA or next-of-kin at her doctor's office. If there's something you need to know, you'll hear from them.
You can try a therapeutic fib, telling her that Medicare pays for a free annual check-up (by a certain date). You can tell that you'll make an appointment for her as well as yourself, or offer to drive her to her appointment. If you can get this far with her, then go with a pre-written note that you will discretely hand to the check-in persono, nurse or doctor. It should explain who you are and that your sister is showing signs of cognitive/memory prroblems. Request a cognitive exam and test for UTI. The staff is happy to accommodate this -- it won't be their first time playing along.
Before leaving the appoinitment make sure to ask for the Medical Representative form (a HIPAA form). Have your sister tto write in your name and then she signs it and gives it back to the check-in rep. Then you can converse with this specific doctor without your sister needing to be present.
If your sister is getting resistant to things in general, don't fight her. Make a gentle case as to why it's important to have a PoA or MR. Tell her you have one yourself (and hopefully this is true). "What if you had a medical emergency and couldn't speak because you became unconscious?" Give her examples like this. It may or may not work.
How would you respond if even a close family member asked for your doctor's telephone number?
And then either you've told her why - "'cos you're losing your marbles, love" - which actually kind of makes it *worse.* (Or you've lied to her, which is worse again.)
Or you haven't told her why, in which case why on earth would she?
I'm also not quite sure what you want to speak to the doctor about, but in any case as to what you should do - it depends what's happening, but there are lots of options. What are your concerns about your sister?
Many years later, I did ask again. She confided that he made her promise never to tell who did her hair because she would style it like in high school, and add bows in her hair, and at her age!
It is a very personal thing.
Your answer reminded me Countrymouse.
See All Answers