Hi, I care for my grandmother full time in her home, she suffers with later stage vascular dementia. Lately she has been sleeping in until 3-4pm in the afternoon and has lost her appetite. We have kept her in a routine and active for the last two years but I fear She is starting to give up! Is this normal?
Ask your GP about a Community DNACPR. It's an official form held at the GP's surgery with a copy at home which will then authorise any paramedics attending not to crush your grandmother's ribs in an attempt to restart her heart, should that arise. The CPR bit refers *only* to cardio pulmonary resuscitation: it will not prevent her being treated appropriately for any other symptoms or problems she might need help with, so you should not feel that you are depriving her of medical attention.
If your grandmother lacks capacity, and your father has a Health and Welfare LPA, he needs to take out the LPA form and read through her instructions. It may authorise him to sign the form for her, or she may have ruled it out. I can't remember offhand what the form says about people signing for the person it applies to - but your GP will certainly be able to tell you, and in fact there is an NHS leaflet explaining it all... which I've put somewhere... anyway, he'll be able to email you a copy if he hasn't got one on him.
Mind you. If your father only has LPA for Finance, and you are your grandmother's primary carer and de facto next of kin, then I'm not sure what the procedure is.
In any case you'll want to think it through. And have you had a chance to talk to your father and aunt about all this? Would it be possible to Skype or FaceTime them together, would you like to do that?
More importantly, how has your grandma been this evening? I hope she's comfortable - and I hope she'll set your mind at rest by eating or drinking a little something. Take care of yourself, too, keep in touch when you can. Best of luck.
Meanwhile make sure she always has fluids available and is regularly offered small, tempting helpings of food; but don't force her out of bed for it unless she seems willing to make the effort. Are you managing with her personal care all right?
One more question (sorry!): did your mother ever give you any indication of what her wishes might have been? You may want to discuss with the doctor, when he visits tomorrow, what to do in the event of an emergency. One tends to call an ambulance as a reflex, but that isn't always best - see what advice he may have to offer.