I recently have learned that my spouse's children have planned to take on the care of my husband, we are married, because they don't like the way that I am caring for him. He has early onset dementia and has told them some things about me that I have reason to believe is not about me at all but possibly his first wife, their mother.
It has turned into a nasty mess and I don't know what my legal rights are. Can someone who has been through this help me with some advice or ideas?
It doesn't matter what he told them, whether it's true or not, because he has a dementia diagnosis and is no longer considered as having capacity.
That said, protect yourself. Take stock of your housing arrangements. Do you own or rent your home together with your husband? What about your finances? Do you have joint bank accounts, etc?
So again, unless he appointed one of his children as his legal representative and *while he still had capacity* you are his wife and you are his next of kin.
Unless your husband signed something.
Other than that, the kids would have to bring you to court to try to prove that you're not taking care of him.
That cost money so they probably won't do it.
Just stans up to them and Nicely tell them that you will be taking care of your husband
I don’t know how old you are, but at 62, you are entitled to 1/2 of his Social Security, no matter what his brats do.
I hate lawyers, but you need a probate lawyer to protect your rights.
They may try to say you are exploiting him, based on his “deluded state.”
Please ask for a referral from a trusted friend or call someone at Probate for direction.
If they want to help out with care, that’s fine, but as far as making you out to be financially nefarious, that’s just “gaslighting.”
Stay strong and connected to an ally.
Does any of his Kids have the magic POA?
Are any of his Kids a joint on the bank accounts.?
Please get yourself an an attorney that specializes in Elder Care.
Does he have a Will or Living Trust?
Do you have kids that will be by your side?
Have you or can change the locks on the doors.
Because when you married him, that marriage contract gave you a huge amount of power that power (will change from state to state).
Now the moral questions that need to be answered.
Do you really want to block his kids from seeing him or helping him?
Do you just want his kids to stop running you over?
Lastly there will be a point when you will need help, dementia and Alzheimer's care is not a one women show at least it shouldn't be.
How do you want to get the extra help your going to need?
Good luck
if it is one of them, they have the legal ability to divorce you.
You may want to speak with a lawyer ASAP if it is one of them and he has the interest and capacity to change this to you.
Your husband's children don't like the way you are caring for him, or don't like what they hear from him about how you're caring for him? Such as - what?
How long have you been married to your husband?
How old are the children, and what are their different plans for their father's care?
The emotional heat seems to have come from some past misdemeanour, or alleged misdemeanour, that your husband is attributing to you but you have (what?) reason to believe was his previous wife's doing... Have you said as much to the children?
Could his children claim he was demented when he married?
You have every right to defend yourself. His children may feel morally bound to see that he receives the best care possible and are truly concerned.
In a perfect world the best recourse would be to work together. It truly takes a village to care for someone with dementia. Some judges have been known to assign guardianship to a guardian outside the family when there is contention.
Wishing you and all concerned a way to work through this misunderstanding.
A visit with the right attorney should help you sort out your best course of action.
I would see an attorney to put your mind at ease and to prepare yourself as much as possible for your future. Best wishes to you.
I would see a lawyer to protect yourself and husband too.
If your husband has a medical diagnosis of dementia/memory impairment and he created a new PoA after this diagnosis, I'd say his children's chances of being assigned PoA are diminished. Their only other course of action would be guardianship, which is very expensive and time-consuming. And if the judge is dismayed by family in-fighting, would possibly assign guardianship to a 3rd party not related.
Please consider that if you and your husband were married when his children were adults, they have very little, if any, affinity for the new portion of their family. It is difficult for adult children to learn how to trust a total stranger with someone they love, no matter how nice you think you are. Add into the mix that if you were very recently married then they may be confused about who takes care of whom in this situation. Please try to be a peacemaker first -- it will be worth it in the end.