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Sundowning is associated with dementia. Did the doctor suggest that your mother might be in early stages of dementia?
If your mother has always been fairly belligerent and stubborn, that may make it hard to recognize symptoms. Some of her behavior sounds self-destructive. For example, taking too much insulin, or spending money on food she doesn't need. Has she always done illogical things like that, or this part new?
Keep a list or journal of her unusual behaviors to help you and a doctor evaluate if she might have dementia. If she does, then she cannot safely manage her own medications, or drive, and she may need more monitoring/guidance than now.
Meanwhile, assume she has a mental health issue. Minimize her disturbance at the sundown time. Do not express opinions. Keep conversation light and pleasant. Perhaps don't sit in the room with her. You know this is a touchy time of day. You are the one who is mentally healthy so do what you can to keep things calm.
If she wants to buy her own groceries, could you just cut back on what you buy? (Is she safe to drive to the store?) Do you think she is forgetting what food is at home?
She can use any tax preparer she wants to. You use the one you trust.
Buying excessive amounts of food, not taking a medication that has been prescribed for her, taking more insulin than she is supposed to, using a tax preparer that is known to have made mistakes -- none of these are logical, rational decisions. And if this is because she has the beginnings of dementia, then logic and rational explanations are not going change her mind.
Instead of "Mother! We already have these groceries on hand! You didn't need to buy them again!" try "Oh, look. I see we have plenty of pasta on hand. Should I make a casserole this week?"
I think close observation and minimizing chances of conflict are the best you can do right now.
Sundowning is a set of confused behaviors that persons with dementia exhibit at a fairly regular time of day. This is often at sundown or twilight, hence the name, but it could be any consistent time of day, such as usually at noon. Not all persons with dementia experience sundowning. Those who do may not experience it the entire duration of the dementia.
What is your question about sundowning, Tumbleweed39?
Hi and Thanks so much for the reply it truly means a lot..Every Eve around the same time mom yells at me for whatever I say either during a conversation we are having but mostly when I voice my opinion on something then she screams at me to shut up so I walk away and call it a day..Doctor gave her a script for some Klonopin which she won't take as she feels she doesn't need it..I told him this happens every night around the same time..She has always been mean to me through the years, but it's starting to get worse..Yet I do as much as I can for her and she does the opposite..Like making an appointment to see the lab for routine lab work and then she takes 5 extra units of insulin when I mentioned to cut back and she got up feeling sick the next morning and I had to cancel as she said she didn't want to go in the first place!! Then she's going with her friend to her friends tax lady who.last year made a mistake on her return..So she's going to her again this year..It's like she's doing it for spite..I brought her to my tax lady and she had to do an amended tax return..So this year she told me to butt out and mind your own business when I tried to explain to her that this woman may do the same this year..Plus she made a mistake on my tax return as well last year and I had to do an amended return..But getting back to the sundowning..I dread when she comes home in the evening..Now we have plenty of food, Thank the Lord, but she goes out and buys more groceries and I told her we don't need them..She yelled at me again and said shut up!! So, the fact that she doesn't listen and is making poor choices because it's "her money"! Because she can do that...is what gets my thinking going.. Thanks for letting me vent!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your mother has always been fairly belligerent and stubborn, that may make it hard to recognize symptoms. Some of her behavior sounds self-destructive. For example, taking too much insulin, or spending money on food she doesn't need. Has she always done illogical things like that, or this part new?
Keep a list or journal of her unusual behaviors to help you and a doctor evaluate if she might have dementia. If she does, then she cannot safely manage her own medications, or drive, and she may need more monitoring/guidance than now.
Meanwhile, assume she has a mental health issue. Minimize her disturbance at the sundown time. Do not express opinions. Keep conversation light and pleasant. Perhaps don't sit in the room with her. You know this is a touchy time of day. You are the one who is mentally healthy so do what you can to keep things calm.
If she wants to buy her own groceries, could you just cut back on what you buy? (Is she safe to drive to the store?) Do you think she is forgetting what food is at home?
She can use any tax preparer she wants to. You use the one you trust.
Buying excessive amounts of food, not taking a medication that has been prescribed for her, taking more insulin than she is supposed to, using a tax preparer that is known to have made mistakes -- none of these are logical, rational decisions. And if this is because she has the beginnings of dementia, then logic and rational explanations are not going change her mind.
Instead of "Mother! We already have these groceries on hand! You didn't need to buy them again!" try "Oh, look. I see we have plenty of pasta on hand. Should I make a casserole this week?"
I think close observation and minimizing chances of conflict are the best you can do right now.
What is your question about sundowning, Tumbleweed39?
can do that...is what gets my thinking going..
Thanks for letting me vent!!