To be honest with you, I don't feel like this nurse knows my dad at all or even knows that much about hospice. I know he has gone WAY downhill in the past week (really very quickly) and that this might be it. But his vitals are all good and he's breathing his normal way (which has always always been loud open mouthed when he sleeps). He still is eating (but very little). He's sleeping A LOT now but then they are also giving him 3 kinds of meds for agitation which I'm sure is making him sleep. He needs the meds because otherwise he thrashes around trying to get up until he falls . He fell many times in the past few weeks. They put a catheter in him tonight because the care team said he hadn't urinated (but then he's barely eating and drinking).
Anyway, I know he is close, and I feel relief about it but I feel like she's wrong because of the vitals and the breathing being "normal " for him. But what do I know? Maybe I'm in denial. Maybe I'm just worried she is wrong and that this will go on and on.
I'm the only kid in town and I go visit each day but mostly he is just sleeping and maybe once in a while will open his eyes momentarily. I can only stand to stay about a half hour because there is nothing to do but watch him sleep and even when he opens his eyes, it's very quick and he doesn't seem to see or indicate anything. Yesterday he didn't even open his eyes and then I come back later in the day and still he didn't. I don't even know if he sees anything or hears me as there is zero reaction. It really bothers me that I don't want to be there because I know I should be doing some kind of vigil. But I guess it bothers me more just sitting there watching him.
As you can tell, I'm a bundle of conflicting feelings about all this. I miss my dad so much, so why can't I be there for him?
Sorry for the "stream of consciousness" sort of question. I know there really isn't an answer and that the nurse can't really know everything. I just wish this would be over sooner rather than later...which, probably means it will go on for a long while yet.
Thanks for listening
May The Lord give you grieving mercies and peace during this difficult time.
Many, many posters here have told us of staying with family members for days on end, and then the person dies when they step out of the room. I think some folks must need to be alone to pass.
You did your best for your dad and you should be proud of that. Find the good memories and be comforted by them.
Many times people do wait until LO's have slipped out, Dad is at peace now & you got to tell him goodbye. Treasure that 💙💙💙
Her vitals were normal for her when I left her on Sunday night -- better, in fact, than they'd been for the past few days -- so I fully expected to see her again on Monday morning, but she was gone before I came back.
Her hospice nurse felt something was pp when she saw her last on Thursday, so she was right. To my untrained eye, Mom was about the same as she'd been for weeks.
Hospice “bounce” is when someone is released from hospice care because their condition has improved.
This happens occasionally. It happened with my mom. I since have read about with numerous other patients.
Hospice nurses wanted to give mom morphine, but we wanted to be able to communicate with her.
I will always believe that if Mom. would have taken everything they brought she would have slipped into a near coma and died quickly.
i am grateful for all the time we had together, even when she was very sick.
A pressure sore called a Kennedy Ulcer can form. That is typically on the very lower part of the back, maybe just below the waist. And can be butterfly shaped. It will start out pink.
Increased secretions and a change in breathing.
These are some of the signs that might be visible. There may be sounds she hears internally that might be different than what she has heard in the past.
All that said these are typical but not everyone will exhibit all or even any of these.
If this is stressful or you are unsure of the care that he is getting at home you can request that they transfer him to the Hospice In Patient Unit where there will be round the clock care and monitoring
((hugs and peace))🙏🏼
So the morale of the story is this----only God knows that day and time that He will call your dad home.
Just be with him, tell him how much you love him, and leave nothing left unsaid. God bless you and your family.
Your father's agitation is partvof the dying process. With my Mom it was humming which got louder as the days went on so shevwas medicated for it. The next thing, she wouldn't get out of bed, then she closed her eyes, then she couldn't swallow...all this signs the body was dying. She died 2 weeks from the time she would not get out of bed.
If the nurse is telling you he is transitioning she is probably right. I don't think good vitals mean a thing. The body just starts shutting down.
I understand how you feel. I lost my mom this past April. She was 95. It’s excruciating to watch a parent decline.
I would trust your father’s nurse. They know all of the signs when a person is dying. They see these situations over and over.
We don’t want to face the end. We do miss the person that they once were. I find the grieving starts long before an actual death. I even feel like anticipatory grief is harder than the grief that we feel after they are gone. I felt relief after mom died because she was finally at rest. I still miss her and always will.
Dying people don’t eat shortly before dying. My mom slipped into unconsciousness. I felt like you do. I was just watching her sleep. I became anxious because I don’t know if I would have wanted to see her take her last breath. I went everyday to see her but didn’t stay more than an hour or two. It was too painful for me.
Mom knew that I loved her dearly. Take comfort that your father knows that you love him. Many people die when their loved ones aren’t around. Somehow, I don’t think that this is an accident. Maybe they don’t want us to go through watching them fade away.
I saw my mom a few hours before she died. I truly believe that their soul has already left their body. Look at the near death stories that people tell. They speak about seeing a light, other loved ones, some even say they see angels and Jesus.
They will die in their facility or in my mom’s case, the hospice house, and it is terribly sad. In another way though, it is joyful because they will never suffer again and meet up with family members who have died.
Please don’t feel guilty about not staying any longer than you can. I wish you peace as you go through this difficult time in your life. Take care and many, many hugs! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you and your dad.