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1. First list all the ways in which you think this woman is taking advantage of your father, and gather the documentation to prove it. E.g., if she's taking loans, do you have evidence through bank statements, checks written to her, possibly even a Promissory Note for repayment?
If she's using his funds for personal items, can you get receipts? Do you have keys to his house? If they're both working, you could do some exploring while they're at work.
The period over which this has taken place is important, as well as showing a pattern of exploitation.
2. What kind of "treatment" is she getting? If your father is paying for this, again, you'll need documentation from the source providing the treatment.
3. Is there physical abuse, and if so, how have you and your family become aware of it? Do you see bruising on your father's body? Have you taken him to Urgent Care, the ER or doctors for treatment from abuse?
4. Has she changed her address to his, so that she can get mail there? If so, your state may consider that a permanent change of address and eviction would be necessary to get her out. That might be a red flag that she's not staying just during the "treatment" but has longer term intentions.
5. Do you have any indication that she's done this before, and if so, have you asked the police for a background check on her, to determine if she has a criminal record?
6. If they're working together, I assume he's providing the transportation, but is she still working while getting "treatment"? You might contact the HR Department of the company they work for and ask about her. They won't release personal information, but the call might spark some internal inquiries.
Summarizing, first I would identify the forms of abuse, gather as much documentation and evidence as I could, then either (a) have a family meeting with your father, if you think he would be receptive, but if not (b) go to the police with your evidence, or to APS if there's physical abuse involved.
These "sweetheart traps" aren't unusual. Others here have posted on similar situations and their frustration b/c the family elder was receptive to the scammer and doesn't see it as a criminal act. You might to read their posts to get some idea of what they've had to deal with. Unfortunately, most often, it seems to be hard to get help because the elder doesn't believe any exploitation is involved. And apparently police are sometimes reluctant to become involved, depending on the geographic area and/or the specific inclination of law enforcement.
GardenArtist gave you some excellent advice. You need documentation and the more documentation that you can gather... the better.
Be careful while "exploring" your father's house. Try not to disturb too much, otherwise, they may suspect someone is watching them or that someone burglarized the house and call the police. Or they may change how the money is being exchanged and try to minimize the paper trail by putting everything on computer or online banking.
This is a hard situation to watch and sometimes even harder to prove especially if the older man "loves" the attention of the younger female. And this may not be the only time that your father has given money to "pretty ladies in need".
My 2 female cousins (ages mid-30s) "sweet-talked" my grandmother's 90 yr old brother into giving money, used cars, an older mobile home, rent free housing and who knows what else to them over a 6-8 year period. The family thinks that the total was well over $100,000, but they couldn't find all of the documentation after he died. They also received several thousands of dollars from my grandmother. However, Grandma was smart and didn't leave much of a paper trail. Grandma had money in 20+ (TWENTY+) BANKS in little towns around our rural community. It took Dad 3 years to find all of the banks once he got conservatorship of Grandma at age 94. But the damage had been done. We think the cousins received between $50,000-$100,000 from Grandma.
Sometimes this type of situation starts because the "victim" is lonely or craves the type of attention he/she used to get from their spouse who no longer lives with them (due to divorce, separation, or death).
Whenever you visit your father and his "sweetheart", show a respectful, caring and calm attitude to both of them. Tell your father that you love him. Do not confront or argue with them. And until you have significant proof/documentation, do not tell your father that you suspect his "sweet-heart" of scamming him. He might become defensive.
Good Luck! I hope that you can resolve this situation quickly.
Wow a lot of information thank you so much...I will update Monday. We will be meeting with our attorney monday. Wr have a trust set up but want to do this the best way
Val, good luck, and please let us know how the legal meeting turns out. We can all learn from these situations. Unfortunately, predators I think see seniors as easy targets.
DeeAnna offers good insight and advice on dealing with your father, avoiding the arousal of suspicion or criticism.
And thanks for the compliments. My head is swelling so much it's actually beginning to hurt!
Aging decline st 76? Who evaluated him. If he has Dementia this could be a factor. If not...he is an adult and make his own decisions. A POA doesn't play into it.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
1. First list all the ways in which you think this woman is taking advantage of your father, and gather the documentation to prove it. E.g., if she's taking loans, do you have evidence through bank statements, checks written to her, possibly even a Promissory Note for repayment?
If she's using his funds for personal items, can you get receipts? Do you have keys to his house? If they're both working, you could do some exploring while they're at work.
The period over which this has taken place is important, as well as showing a pattern of exploitation.
2. What kind of "treatment" is she getting? If your father is paying for this, again, you'll need documentation from the source providing the treatment.
3. Is there physical abuse, and if so, how have you and your family become aware of it? Do you see bruising on your father's body? Have you taken him to Urgent Care, the ER or doctors for treatment from abuse?
4. Has she changed her address to his, so that she can get mail there? If so, your state may consider that a permanent change of address and eviction would be necessary to get her out. That might be a red flag that she's not staying just during the "treatment" but has longer term intentions.
5. Do you have any indication that she's done this before, and if so, have you asked the police for a background check on her, to determine if she has a criminal record?
6. If they're working together, I assume he's providing the transportation, but is she still working while getting "treatment"? You might contact the HR Department of the company they work for and ask about her. They won't release personal information, but the call might spark some internal inquiries.
Summarizing, first I would identify the forms of abuse, gather as much documentation and evidence as I could, then either (a) have a family meeting with your father, if you think he would be receptive, but if not (b) go to the police with your evidence, or to APS if there's physical abuse involved.
These "sweetheart traps" aren't unusual. Others here have posted on similar situations and their frustration b/c the family elder was receptive to the scammer and doesn't see it as a criminal act. You might to read their posts to get some idea of what they've had to deal with. Unfortunately, most often, it seems to be hard to get help because the elder doesn't believe any exploitation is involved. And apparently police are sometimes reluctant to become involved, depending on the geographic area and/or the specific inclination of law enforcement.
https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=elder exploitation
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elder-financial-abuse-156646.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=sweetheart+scams
Good Luck OP, these things are so hard to watch! I hope you get a speedy resolution to this problem!
Be careful while "exploring" your father's house. Try not to disturb too much, otherwise, they may suspect someone is watching them or that someone burglarized the house and call the police. Or they may change how the money is being exchanged and try to minimize the paper trail by putting everything on computer or online banking.
This is a hard situation to watch and sometimes even harder to prove especially if the older man "loves" the attention of the younger female. And this may not be the only time that your father has given money to "pretty ladies in need".
My 2 female cousins (ages mid-30s) "sweet-talked" my grandmother's 90 yr old brother into giving money, used cars, an older mobile home, rent free housing and who knows what else to them over a 6-8 year period. The family thinks that the total was well over $100,000, but they couldn't find all of the documentation after he died.
They also received several thousands of dollars from my grandmother. However, Grandma was smart and didn't leave much of a paper trail. Grandma had money in 20+ (TWENTY+) BANKS in little towns around our rural community. It took Dad 3 years to find all of the banks once he got conservatorship of Grandma at age 94. But the damage had been done. We think the cousins received between $50,000-$100,000 from Grandma.
Sometimes this type of situation starts because the "victim" is lonely or craves the type of attention he/she used to get from their spouse who no longer lives with them (due to divorce, separation, or death).
Whenever you visit your father and his "sweetheart", show a respectful, caring and calm attitude to both of them. Tell your father that you love him. Do not confront or argue with them. And until you have significant proof/documentation, do not tell your father that you suspect his "sweet-heart" of scamming him. He might become defensive.
Good Luck! I hope that you can resolve this situation quickly.
DeeAnna offers good insight and advice on dealing with your father, avoiding the arousal of suspicion or criticism.
And thanks for the compliments. My head is swelling so much it's actually beginning to hurt!