My mother tries my patience on a good day but I usually manage to stay calm....failing that I go to my car or garage and scream
Today is a scream day. Firstly she doesnt want me to go out this afternoon for something I have had planned for 6 months. I will be out 90 minutes and providing she goes to the toilet before I go and they lays on the bed no harm can come to her.
So 10 minutes after me reminding her we were having lunch at lunchtime she decided to soil herself royally, followed by the words you cant go out if I am like this all day. Now if she hadnt added those words they would have come to me all on my own but BECAUSE she added them I started to wonder.
Then she said she felt sick and didnt want any lunch - but when I came in very quietly (OK yes I was spying) there she is stuffing her face with biscuits and cake which I leave by her side. She has been awake just over 4 hours and I have been in to speak to her chat wash clean her soiling clean the room 14 times which I think is pushing your luck really.
So what has she just done? Asked for coffee so I made her a latte just as she likes it and she now wants sugar in it - has NEVER taken sugar in anything. Then there was too much coffee in the cup - its dispensed mum it is always that amount.....well its too much Ive always thought so
I could see her fidgeting so I said lets get you across to the commode mum. I dont need to go there ...well I think you do... wasnt gonna happen. I came back in 5 minutes later and despite her reluctance I got her up and here we go again she wet and soiled herself in front of me. You wont be able to go out this afternoon you'll have to ring and cancel.
As I count 1 to 10 and find it needs to be 100000000000 I count to now.
Hmmmm OK lets try my theory. I went out of the room and 'made' a phone call. I know she could hear what I was saying because I was stood right by the door and I spoke louder than usual. When I finished my call, I waited a while then went back in. And what did she say. I feel much better now you could have gone after all
I havent told her yet but I havent cancelled I spoke to the phone not to anyone the other end so at 5pm I AM GOING OUT SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
Whats your screaming point?
ayayyyyyyy. when he looks disheveled, how about a shave.....I dunno know....how come you are wearing your glasses, I cannot find it...…..it has bee a few days, have not his phone, by now it needs recharge …..barely on...….
he is not at an alarming stage of dementia but, he looks awfully cute !!!
My honey doesn't have dementia or alz that I know of but has turned into a horse's patoot. We had a come to Jesus meeting before he came home from rehab after he threatened me. (all weapons are locked up..I have only access). He has been sweet as pie up until the last few days. Wanted me to put off my eye doctor appointment said couldn't afford it and he was not paying for my eyes (haven't been in 5 years and when I went I found out I have secondary cataracts forming with one eye needing surgery in the next month), wanted me to put my primary care doctor off (haven't been in 2 years)...next will be my cardiology appointment that comes up around September. By the way I make sure he gets to his doctors once a week or every two weeks and am here when visiting nurse and rehab comes in. He is trying to turn things around to where I wait on him hand and foot again....not working. So now he turns his head slightly away from me and mumbles...Then when I ask him what he said he starts in about my hearing. He is doing his best to make me think I am crazy. Ugh!!
He wanted a shake from a fast food place today and I reminded him about the sodium (he has CHF and currently his edema is returning). He blew up and got derogatory and nasty and I resigned as his caregiver. Told him he 66, he feels competent to make his own decisions (I have been his caregiver of 13 years); it is on his head. When I went to go get his shake as soon as I pulled out of the garage I turned the music way up and screamed. Darn that felt good. I will fix his meds, help him with his IV but what ever happens as far as the edema and CHF...it is on him. I am done. When he starts getting severe swelling again I am calling 911 and they can take him back to the hospital. I am going back to being his significant other (we are not married...period...not even common law though we have been together for 30 years). I am done fighting with him. I will not lift on him again, nor listen to the constant pity party he has going on. I still love him... I am just tired. Until there is a need for the POA that I have to kick in the decisions are his. There is a lot more to it (see "how do you handle downright mean" but this is just a brief summary here on this thread). Let's just say I spend a lot of time in my study working on my paintings which is my sanity saver.
BRAVO for you!!!
I remember your first post about should you be firm with him. We all said "YES" and you took the bull by the horns.
I'm so proud of you for standing up for what you believe and setting boundaries. You really DO have the power!
You know you need to take care of yourself and he can't say you can't go.
Tell him it's in HIS best interest if his caregiver is at her healthiest.
You sure can't force somebody to do what you want them to do, but YOU can do whatever you want to do......and you're DOING it!
Again, BRAVO! 👏🏽👏🏽 👍🏽
I am curled up in my study right now reading and responding here and working on my painting. Am very relaxed. (smile)
Y'all have a great night!